Page 66 of Finding Home with You

“What do you mean, nothing?” I ask, a spike of fear lancing through me.

“No brakes,” she says. “Your car had no brakes.”

“Like they were cut?” I ask, at the same time asking myself how the hell Erin could even know what a cut brake line was like.

She nods. “Yeah, I think so. It’s something I’d expect from him,” she continues. “Especially given his warning.”

I sit up a little straighter, my heart pounding in anger now as I stare at her. “What exactly was his warning?” I ask.

Erin swallows hard, pulling back a little as starts to speak. “He said you needed to back off,” she says, not looking at me now. “That you needed to watch yourself…” she trails off, the implied or else coming through loud and clear.

“Fuck,” I say, shoving back the chair as I stand, and walk to the end of her bed and back again. Erin watches me, her eyes burning into me with all the questions she can’t bring herself to ask.

“It was meant for me,” I say, almost to myself as I continue to pace. “The cut brakes. They were meant for me.”

Erin’s silence forces me to look at her and when I do, she nods slowly, silent tears falling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “About everything.”

“No, no, no, baby,” I say, forcing myself to calm down as I walk back over to her, taking her hands in mine and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

“This is my family doing this,” she whispers, her head falling onto my stomach. “If you’d never gotten involved with me, none of this would be happening to you.”

“You don’t know that,” I say, gently lifting her head so I can meet her eyes. “I was already involved, remember?”

She shakes her head as though she doesn’t believe me. “But being with me has made all of this so much worse,” she whispers, her tears continuing to fall.

I sit back in the chair, letting go of her hands as I reach up to brush her tears away. “Baby,” I whisper. “None of this is your fault, I promise you. And no matter what,” I add, pausing to press a soft kiss to her lips. “I wouldn’t trade being with you for anything.”

Erin swallows hard, her eyes searching my face as if she’s looking for the truth in my words. Leaning in, I kiss her again.

“I promise you, Red,” I say, offering her a small smile. “You are everything to me. Everything. And no matter what happens, that will never change.”

Erin stares at me, a look of both hope and desperation in her eyes, as though she wants to believe what I’m saying to her, but isn’t sure she can. Isn’t sure she can trust these words.

“This doesn’t change how I feel, Erin,” I whisper at the same time as she moans my name, collapsing against me as her tears start up again.

I don’t know how long I hold her for, neither of us saying anything more as Erin cries against me and I silently stroke her back, holding her close. I know at this point, there are no more words I can say to her, so I just let her let it all go. Let go of all the fears and questions and hurt that she has, hopefully knowing that no matter what, I am always going to be here for her.

It’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen her and while part of me can’t help but be glad she’s finally able to open up to me like this, the other part of me is scared to death at just how terrified she is.

Eventually she pulls back, her hands going to her face to brush the tears away, only to discover her left one is useless because of the cast. Frowning at it, as though she forgot it was there, she drops it carefully to her lap, her right hand taking care of things.

I reach over to the side table and snag a couple of tissues, holding them out to her. Erin smiles gratefully as she takes them and gently blows her nose. I turn back to the side table for some water and that’s when I see the pictures.

“So,” I say, my eyes on the images. “Looks like we’re having a baby, huh?” I whisper, turning back to her.

Erin looks up, a startled look on her face now. I smile back at her, nodding at the side table. I watch as Erin turns toward it, sees the pictures I’ve just noticed before turning back to me.

“I…” she starts, biting her bottom lip. “I didn’t know.”

My smile widens as I lean in and press a kiss to her lips. “Well, I’m really glad,” I whisper, my mouth against hers.

“You are?” she asks, pulling back a little.

I nod, my fingers reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Really glad,” I say.

“But, it’s…it’s too soon, too complicated…”

“It’s perfect, Erin,” I say, silencing her fears with another kiss. “I love you. I know that you love me. And I know how scared you are too,” I add, brushing my thumb across her cheek. “About this, about Anthony, your dad.”

---