Page 56 of Finding Home with You

Kelsey looks up from the check-in desk and smiles at me as I stomp the snow from my boots.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” she says, her tone playful and her smile bright. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that Kelsey and I haven’t texted each other, but it’s been at least a week since we’ve seen each other.

She comes out from behind the front desk and gives me a quick hug, and then proceeds to walk into the dining room.

The inn is quiet given it is the off season, but there are a few people eating lunch, and I know Kelsey is preparing for the Christmas Eve brunch the inn hosts every year.

“How’s it going?” I ask as we sit down at a table in the corner away from any guests.

“Fine,” she says. “Same old shit. Still trying to plan a wedding that I don’t think is ever going to happen.” She shrugs her shoulders and adds, “Between the finishing touches on the pub renovation and my job of…” she pauses a second and looks around, giving her eyes a roll, “planning everyone else’s shit, I can’t get it together to plan it.”

“What about a destination wedding?” I suggest, thinking this might take some of the planning stress off of her.

“I’d like to get married here at the inn since I don’t really have any family, like the inn keeps me connected to them.” She shakes her head and adds, “That sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all. I get it. You want some connection to your family when you get married. It’s a huge deal and being at the inn will give you that.”

She nods her head, but I can tell the whole idea overwhelms her. In order to host her own wedding, she has to close the inn and she won’t do that. It’s her livelihood, it’s how she and Beck survive in this little town, and closing the inn means the pub would likely close for a bit of time too.

“Speaking of planning, do you need any help with the Christmas Eve brunch?” I ask and she perks up a bit.

“Sure. I’d love some help and I love it even more when you’re off work because I get to see you more often.”

We chat about some of the things she still needs to do and I volunteer to mail fliers and help her with some of the Internet advertising.

“Are you going to be able to come this year?” she asks, and I can hear a hesitation in her voice, almost like she’s already prepared to be let down.

I feel guilty, because I know I’ve spent way more time with Ryan than I have with her. Before Ryan came along, I spent nearly every day with Kelsey, even if it was something as simple as stopping by the inn after work. I’m sure her feelings are hurt, like I’ve ditched her for someone else. And essentially I have. The thought of it makes my heart ache because when everyone else failed me in my life she was there, she’s always there.

As my thoughts are consumed with how much I’ve let her down recently, I find myself thinking about Finn and wondering if he’s feeling the same way.

“Of course I’ll be there,” I tell her, my heart breaking at the idea that she even had to ask. I haven’t missed a Christmas Eve brunch at the inn since I moved to Rockport. “And I’m going to be around a lot more.” I swallow hard and add, “I’m sorry that I haven’t been around much.”

“It’s okay. I did the same thing to you when Beck came back into my life, but now that I know he’s here to stay I couldn’t give a fuck about hanging out with him,” she says jokingly and lets out a little chuckle. That’s just the way relationships work. “You’re way more fun.”

“Same with you,” I tell her, knowing that while I adore Ryan, sometimes being with Kelsey is way easier.

We chat and eat lunch while the inn clears out and becomes nearly vacant, but despite its emptiness I know Kelsey needs to get back to work and I need to pick up Ryan’s car keys from Finn.

Not wanting show up empty-handed, I order Finn his favorite sandwich and a slice of chocolate cake. While I’m waiting for his food, I change the sheets on one of the guest room beds and run the vacuum over the carpet, trying to give Kelsey a break. In the off-season she does most of the cleaning.

When the food is ready, I grab the bag, give Kelsey a peck on the cheek and tell her I’ll be back tomorrow morning to help clean guest rooms.

It’s a solid fifteen-minute walk from the inn to the police station on a good day, but today it takes me about twenty.

The wind whips across my face and I pull my scarf tighter and tuck my chin into my coat as I curse Ryan’s name for dropping the keys off with Finn. Had he just told the delivery driver to leave the damn keys I wouldn’t be walking in the freezing cold with my feet numb and my boots coated with snow.

When I finally reach the police station my face burns and I swear my eyelashes are frozen.

“Jesus, Erin,” Finn’s gruff voice calls out and my eyes have trouble adjusting to the change in lighting; the snow blinding and the light in the station dim. “Did you walk here?”

“I did because I thought some fresh air would be nice, but I guess I forgot that Massachusetts is like the arctic fucking tundra in the winter.”

I thrust the bag with Finn’s lunch in it at him and flop down in the chair across from his desk.

I hear the crinkle of the bag and the squeak of the Styrofoam container as he opens it. My palms are pressed against my eyes as I try to thaw out from the trek through the snow.

“Hey, thanks, Erin. I haven’t eaten lunch yet and I’m starving,” Finn says, and begins eating.

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