Page 40 of Finding Home with You

Erin says nothing at first, just stares at me. “But you didn’t tell me you were going to see him.” she eventually says. “Why not?”

I pull my chair closer so my legs are on either side of hers, gently pulling at her arms to uncross them so she’s no longer sitting so defensively. “It was a last minute thing after I found out about the connection, but regardless, this is my job, Erin,” I say, trying to remain calm. “There are always going to be things I can’t tell you.”

She shakes her head. “But you expect me to talk to you about everything?”

“No,” I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I expect you not to keep secrets from me. Not to lie to me about your family.”

“Secrets,” she shouts, pushing out of the chair. She shoves my leg away as she now starts pacing around my office. “You want me to spill my secrets, but it’s okay if you keep yours?”

“Erin,” I say, standing. “This is a fucking police investigation. And in case you’ve forgotten, I am a detective. There are always going to be things I need to know and things I need to do. Things I can’t tell you about. But you, you’re a part of this now and you cannot keep shit from me anymore. No matter how much that pisses you off.”

“Fuck you, Ryan,” she whispers. “I trusted you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I mumble, running my hands through my hair. I force myself to take a deep breath before walking over to her. Erin holds her hands in front of her, trying to ward me off but I ignore her, grabbing her arms and pulling her toward me. I wrap her tightly in my arms, holding her against my chest. Her body is rigid with anger but I don’t let up.

“You can trust me, babe,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I told you that. I know you don’t believe me, but you can trust me. I love you and I’m not going to let anything happen to you. But in order for that to happen, you have to let me do my job.”

I feel her hands as they grip my hips now, her fingers digging in as though she’s debating whether to pull me closer or push me away. I loosen my grip a little, running a hand down her spine as though to soothe her.

“I’m not trying to keep things from you, okay?” I continue. “I will tell you everything I can, I promise. But I really need you not to keep things from me, especially now that you’re connected to all this. And especially because I’ve had to beg just to stay on this case.”

“What?” she mumbles against my chest.

I kiss the top of her head again before gently pushing her back. Smiling at her, I lean in and kiss her forehead before saying. “The boss wanted me off the case but I told him that was never going to happen,” I say. “I explained to him that you wouldn’t feel comfortable dealing with anyone else, so really it was in everyone’s best interests if I stayed.”

“And he went for that?” she asks, biting her bottom lip.

“He did,” I confirm. “But you have to talk to me, babe. You can’t keep things from me anymore, okay?”

Erin stares up at me, an unreadable look on her face. I brush a thumb across her cheekbone, willing her to agree with me. “Okay,” she eventually whispers, nodding her head a little.

“Is there anything else you haven’t told me?” I ask, cupping her face in my hands. “I promise I won’t get mad,” I add when she tries to look away.

Erin gives me a look that tells me she doesn’t quite believe me.

“I promise, babe,” I add.

She takes a deep breath, straightening her spine as she looks me right in the eye. “There have been phone calls,” she says, her words a rush as though she just wants to get it all out before I have a chance to ask any questions. “Nothing is ever said, but I know it must be connected to him. It’s why I changed my number just recently.”

I let out a long breath, force myself to remain calm as I realize how much I’ve missed. “Okay,” I say carefully. “Anything else?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says, hands on my hips. “Sometimes I get the feeling someone’s watching me, but I can’t be sure, you know.”

I lean in and kiss her lips, pulling her against me. “We’re going to take care of this, Erin, I promise,” I add, even as a nagging question bites at me. It’s only as Erin starts to deepen the kiss that it hits me.

“Hang on,” I say, pulling away. “How did you know I’d been to visit Fitzgerald?”

I watch as Erin swallows hard, her eyes flicking away now, looking anywhere but at me.

“Erin,” I say, my voice firm. “Remember what you just promised me,” I remind her.

“I…” she stops, stepping backward again. “Because I went to see him too,” she says, finally meeting my stare.

“You did what?” I growl.

“I needed to see him,” she says, taking another step backward. “I needed to…”

“What you needed to do,” I say, cutting her off, “is talk to me about this first. Fuck, Erin, you should not be speaking to him. And you definitely shouldn’t be going to see him alone. Jesus Christ.”

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