Page 19 of Infatuation

“Okay. What else is against THE rules?”

“A barbed-wire tattoo around your bicep fo shizzles. Don’t do it.”

I laugh to myself. I couldn’t agree more with that one. “Okay,” I write. “I promise I won’t get that no matter how drunk I am.”

“And don’t get a tribal band around your bicep, either, unless you’re from the Islands. Are you an Islander, Josh?”

“Nope. Duly noted.”

“Or dragon. Cliché.”

I laugh. “Really?”

“Yup. And God help you if you get a girlfriend’s name tattooed onto your arm. Just ask Johnny Depp. He had to get ‘Winona Forever’ lasered to ‘Wino Forever.’ Lasers are painful, Josh. Not good. Don’t do it.”

“Yeah, I could see how that could be a bit of an oops.”

“A little gold hoop in your left ear. Don’t do it.”

“Jesus. The Rules are as long as my fucking arm. Anything else?”

“Nope. Avoid all that redonkulousness and you’ll be super cool.”

“So you’re allowed to use the word redonkulousness and I can’t say YOLO?”

“Correct. Again, let me repeat. I do not make THE rules. I merely enforce them.”

I laugh out loud again.

“Whoa, did you see that?” Jonas says, swatting my knee.

I look up and catch the instant replay of a smooth-as-silk pass and dunk on TV.

“Sweet,” I say. But I don’t care about the game right now. I’m having too much fun playing with a certain little kitten. I look back at my phone.

“Hey, my boss is about to get off her phone call, so I better go,” she writes.

“Josh,” Jonas says. “Game’s over. You ready to do some Climb & Conquer?”

“I gotta go, too,” I write. “My captor has summoned me. Hey, you’ve still got those bodyguards around the clock, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Stay safe. Have a good one, PG.”

“You, too, PB. Have fun with your captor.”

“Thanks. He’s always an adventure, for sure.”

“Who are you texting with?” Jonas asks.

I look up. Jonas has already opened his laptop. He’s staring at me.

“Just a girl.”

Jonas gives me a knowing look. “No sexting when you’re sitting on a couch with me. Ew.”

“Fuck you. Come on. Climb & Conquer, baby. Let’s do this. I’m chomping at the bit to get our baby launched, put out the press release. Hey, when are we gonna tell Uncle William we’re both leaving the company, by the way?”

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