Page 17 of Infatuation

“Correct,” I write.

“Any particular thing that’s inspired your decision to make douchebaggery a thing of the past?”

“Nope. Just had to be done.”

“Hey, you wanna start working on our business plan?” Jonas asks, swatting my thigh. “I’ve got a thousand ideas.”

“When the game’s over,” I say to Jonas. “There’s only ten more minutes left.” I look at my phone again. “Hey, can you talk rather than text?” I type to Kat, suddenly yearning to hear her voice.

“Not right now. I’m just now leaving a client meeting with my boss. We’re heading back to the office in her car.”

“What do you do?”

“I work at a PR firm. We just met with a client about a social media campaign for a chain of barbeque restaurants.”

“How’d it go?”

“Good. They loved everything I came up with, except for my proposed slogan. (Damn it!) But I’m gonna work on it with this awesome girl from my office when I get back to the office. No worries.”

“Hey, I’ve got a great slogan you can use. My gift to you.”

“Awesome. I’ll take any help I can get. Hit me.”

“I’ve got your pulled pork right here, baby!”

“LOL. OMG. That’s actually kind of brillz. This chain is all about being brash and blue-collar and funny. They might actually like it.”

“Oh no. That wasn’t my slogan idea. That was just me trying to sweet talk you, PG. The slogan idea is this: ‘Hey, if you like barbeque, then we’d appreciate it if you’d eat at our restaurant. Thank you.’ What do you think? Pure genius, right?”

“OMG. I’m literally laughing out loud right now in my boss’ car. You’re a PR whiz, PB.”

“I’ve got all kinds of mad skillz, PG. I’m a wise and powerful man; you should know that up front.”

“And a total douche—oh, wait, except that you’re not now. Scratch that.” She attaches a winking emoji.

“Exactly. You only live once, right? Best not to waste valuable time being a total douche.”

“Hey! I say that ALL THE TIME,” she writes.

“You say ‘best not to waste valuable time being a total douche’ all the time?”

“Haha. No. I say, ‘You only live once.’”

“So do I. YOLO. It’s kind of my thing.”

“Oh, God, no! Not YOLO. Don’t say YOLO! Oh, the humanity!”

“Douchey?”

“Yes. Don’t do it!

“What about ‘go big or go home.’ Can I say that? Because I say that all the time, too,” I write.

“Yes. And you may also say, ‘I can sleep when I’m dead.’ Those are fine. Just not YOLO,” she writes.

“What about ‘Work hard, play hard’? I say that one all the time, too.”

“You like spiffy little catchphrases, huh?”

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