Page 121 of Consummation

“Okay, okay,” Sarah says. “That was a dumb one. Here’s a good one: would you rather be a wildly successful artist who makes totally uninspired crap you abhor creating, or a starving but brilliant artist who makes art that feeds your soul?”

“Wildly successful artist who makes total crap,” Josh says without hesitation.

“Yeah, baby!” I shout, high-fiving Josh. “Me, too. Totally.”

Sarah and Jonas look at each other, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Are you joking?” Jonas asks. “You’ve only got onesoul, for fuck’s sake.”

Sarah high-fives Jonas. “You tell ’em, baby.”

“There you go again, making me look like a prick,” Josh says.

“Aw, screw them,” I say. “Let Jonas and Sarah be soulfularteestswhile you and I make oodles of cash off our bottle-cap-pipe-cleaner sculptures. And while they’re eating Kraft Macaroni & Cheese in their rat-infested hovel in SoHo, surrounded by their frickin’art, we’ll head to Cabo on our private jet and ‘feed our souls’ while making love on a white-sand beach.”

“You’re a fucking genius, babe,” Josh says.

“You truly can’t keep it family-friendly if your life depended on it, can you, Kat?” Sarah says.

“Oh, come on, Cruz. That was PG-rated at worst,” I say. I look toward the door. “Where the heck is Dr. Gupta? She doesn’t normally take this long.”

“Okay, listen up, Party Girl,” Josh says. “Would you rather be the star player on a football team that loses every game of the season or warm the bench on a team that wins the Super Bowl?”

“Hmm,” Sarah says. “Play on the losing team, I think. What do you think, my love?”

“I think I’d rather sit the bench on the winning team,” Jonas says. “Because, ultimately, I’d aspire to become the head coach—so this way, I’d have the opportunity to watch and learn from the best.”

We all burst out laughing.

“What?” Jonas asks. “That’s my honest answer.”

“Oh, Jonas,” Sarah says. She touches his cheek tenderly and her diamond rings sparkle under the lights of the examination room. “I love you.”

“Okay, I’ve got one,” I say. “Would you rather be stuck on a desert island for the rest of your life all alone or with someone who talks incessantly?”

“I’d rather be stuck on a desert island withyou, babe,” Josh says sweetly.

“Aw, that’s lovely, honey—but you gotta pick one of the choices.”

Josh raises an eyebrow. “Oh, Ididpick one of the choices.”

Everyone bursts out laughing, even me, just as the door to the examination room opens.

“Oh, wow,” Dr. Gupta says. “There’s a party going on in here.”

“Hi, Doctor,” I say. “You remember Josh—my baby-daddy?”

Josh blanches. He hates it when I call him that, which is why I keep doing it.

“And this is my best friend, Auntie Sarah, whom you’ve metbefore,” I continue. “And Sarah’s husband, Uncle Jonas, who also happens to be Josh’s brother.”

Dr. Gupta shakes everyone’s hand and introduces us to the technician who’ll be conducting the sonogram. “So are you ready to see your baby?” Dr. Gupta asks.

We all respond enthusiastically.

I lie back on the examination table and the technician spreads some gel on my baby bump. “My heart is racing,” I say, putting my hand on my heart. “I’m really nervous.”

Josh leans down and kisses my forehead. “The kumquat’s gonna be fine.”

---