Page 26 of Revelation

“After I’ve entered the room, the woman should expect to engage in some form of sexual activity with me while she remains bound and blindfolded. The sex will be pleasurable and nonviolent. But please note we will be enacting a role-play in which the sex is nonconsensual.

“At the end of the blindfolded portion of our activities (which shall last no more than one hour at the outside), I will remove the woman’s blindfold. When I do so, this will signal for purposes of our mutual role-play that I am someone entirely new, specifically someone who has newly entered the room to rescue her from the “attack” she’s just endured (which, I repeat, will be pleasurable and nonviolent). I’ll proceed to untie the woman and further sexual contact will likely occur at that time, at my discretion.

“A few important caveats and requirements: First, condoms will be used at all times, no exceptions. Second, there will be absolutely no violence of any nature, no exceptions. Any suggestion of violence during the rape-bondage role-play scenario will be purely theatrical and intended to enhance the role-play. Please note that words like “no” and “stop,” etc. during the bondage scenario will not be heeded. If the woman feels uncomfortable or scared in any way, she must use the safe word “Sick Fuck.” If she uses that phrase, I will immediately stop whatever I’m doing and take explicit instruction from her, whatever that is, including stopping, slowing down, and/or untying and releasing her.

“Third, all participating women must be extremely fit and natural blondes. This is non-negotiable.

“Fourth, at least three hours in advance of each date, each woman will leave a signed nondisclosure agreement and consent form for me at the hotel front desk (templates of both forms will be forwarded to you under separate cover once my membership is approved). The consent form shall detail the woman’s understanding of and agreement to participate in all activities detailed above, especially the nonconsensual role-play, plus her understanding of the safe word and its function, and her consent to participate in all activities, without limitation. In addition, I’ll also require a copy of each woman’s medical testing, dated no earlier than two days before our meeting, establishing she’s tested negative for pregnancy and all sexually transmitted diseases. Again, if these requirements necessitate payment beyond your usual monthly membership fee, please contact me to negotiate the increased fee. I do realize I’m asking you for services above and beyond your typical matching services, and I’m amenable to paying a premium for your individualized attention.

“Finally, if room service and/or an in-room massage is desired by my date (or dates) before I arrive at eight o’clock sharp, she/they should feel free to charge any desired expenses to the room. My primary concern is her (their) comfort and enjoyment.

“As far as which of the two scenarios is scheduled in each city on my itinerary, surprise me. As long as each scenario is represented equally over the course of the month, I’ll be more than satisfied.

“So there you go. These are my sick-fuck fantasies. I wound up losing the only woman I’ve ever loved over them—and I hadn’t even acted on any of them yet. So fuck it. Let’s do this. If my fantasies are gonna ruin my life, then I should at least get to do them, don’t you think?

“I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.”

I can’t stop staring at my laptop screen.

I turn off the music. I need silence. I’m overwhelmed.

Holy Not What I Was Expecting, Batman.

This is a lot to take in. I feel like my brain is short-circuiting.

My head hurts.

And so does my heart.

That Emma girl really did a number on Josh, didn’t she? Wow. What a bitch.

I read the entire application again, my heart racing.

Wow. It’s no less overwhelming to me the second time around.

I sit and stare at the wall for ten minutes, a thousand emotions bombarding me.

My eyelids are drooping. God, I’m so damned tired, I can’t think clearly. And I certainly can’t formulate what I wanna say about all this to Josh just yet.

Now I understand why Josh didn’t want me to read his damned application. For him, our tug-of-war over his application wasn’t a game—not the way it was for me, anyway. For him, it was an act of emotional self-preservation.

No wonder he called me a terrorist.

He must have hated me for how hard I pushed.

Shit. I should have let the man have his privacy. I should have left him alone.

I grab my phone off the bed next to me and tap out a text to Josh. “I’ve read it,” I type. “Gonna sleep now—about to keel over. Let’s talk later, after I wake up.”

Josh’s reply is instantaneous. “Is it worse than being chained to a donkey?”

I roll my eyes. “You said I didn’t have to tell you my thoughts right away—you said I only had to text that I’ve read it.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know I said that,” he writes. “And I totally meant it. But just tell me one thing now, just so I can fall asleep: What are all your thoughts about my application?”

I grin. He’s so cute. “Too many thoughts all at once. I’m too sleep deprived to think. Just let me catch a couple hours of sleep and then we’ll talk.” I press send.

Josh’s application has made me feel a thousand different emotions, all at once, but mostly, I feel a horrible pang in my heart for the rejection Josh endured at the hands of someone he loved and trusted.

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