Page 122 of Revelation

I exhale with relief.

“All he said was, ‘Kat’s got, like, a thousand crazy pornos playing in her head at all times and I need your help setting the stage for one of them so we can act it out tonight.’” He shrugs.

I cover my face. “Gah! Josh said all that? Jonas, that’s not exactly ‘not a thing.’ Oh my God, I’m completely mortified.Jesus.”

“Aw, don’t worry about it, Kat. That’s literally all Josh said. He didn’t give me any details. He just told me to show up here and be ‘super-duper boring’—which, he said ‘should be like falling off a log’ for me. I told him to go fuck himself, but then he went ballistic on me, screaming about every fucking favor he’s ever done for me through the history of time—which is a lot, I must admit—so I was like, ‘Fine, motherfucker! Stop acting like me! I’ll do it—if only to make you stop screaming at me like a fucking lunatic.’ And then he laughed his ass off and was like, ‘Ha! Welcome to my world, motherfucker.’”

I laugh. “So you’re here to ply me with alcohol and bore me to tears, then?” I ask.

Jonas shrugs. “Yeah, talk about asking two fishies to swim, huh? You get to drink and I get to be boring.”

I giggle.

“Wait, you do drink, right?” Jonas asks.

I give him a perplexed look.

“Kat, I’mBlane, remember? I don’t already know you’re a total lush.”

I snort. “Oh yeah. Well, yes, Blane, on occasion, I do indeed imbibe.”

“Okay, that’s fine. I don’t drink at all—I hope that’s okay. I’m a professional baseball player and I don’t drink a drop during the season.”

I burst out laughing.

“Okay good. I’m glad that means something to you. Josh gave me explicit instructions to say that exact line, but I have no idea why.” Jonas leans forward like he’s telling a secret. “But actually I’ll totally have a drink with you—you know that, right?” He winks.

“Awesome. Will Sarah be joining us? I bet she could use a break from studying. She seemed really stressed about finals when I talked to her the other day.”

“Who’s Sarah? I told you, my name isBlane.” He leans forward like he’s telling me another secret. “Actually, I tried to pull her away from her books for the night, but she’s totally freaking out about her exams next week. She said she can’t afford to go out two nights in a row so she’ll just see everyone tomorrow night.”

“What? We’re going out tomorrow night?” I shriek happily. “I had no idea.” I clap my hands and jump up and down. “Will it be all four of us?”

Jonas suddenly looks like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Uh.” His face turns bright red. “Fuck. Josh is gonna kill me. That’s supposed to be a surprise.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Just pretend I never said anything. My name is Blane. You look even better than your online profile. I don’t drink. I’m a professional baseball player. I’m boring.”

I squeal. “Josh is so sneaky-freaky-deaky. I thought he was coming into town onSaturday, did he tell you that? He’s meeting my family.” I squeal again, overwhelmed with excitement. “He’s such a sneaky little fucker.”

“Shit. Kat. Stop it. He’s gonna kill me. I’m Blane. I’m boring. You look better than your online profile. Gah.”

I put out my hand, laughing. “Nice to meet you, Blane. I’m super-duper excited about our boring date. Let’s go.” I step outside and lock my door and we begin walking down the pathway toward the front of my building. Well, actually, Jonas is walking—I’m careening down the walkway a good five paces ahead of him, my heart exploding with joy.

“Hey, Kat. Real quick. Hang on.”

I stop sprinting.

“Before I’m stuck being Boring Blane for the rest of the night,” Jonas says, “can I be Boring Jonas for a minute? There’s something I wanna ask you about.”

“Sure, Boring Jonas—bore away.”

Boring Jonas takes a deep breath and pulls a ring box out of his pocket. “Do you think Sarah’s gonna like this?” He opens the ring box and I’m blinded by the most spectacular rock I’ve ever seen. “Or should I have gotten bigger?” he asks.

My knees literally buckle. “Holy shitballs, Jonas. It’s flippin’ gorgeous!”

“You think she’ll like it?”

“Likeit? She’s gonna sob like a baby with overflowinglovefor it! It’s jaw-dropping. Glorious. Fabulous.Beyond.”

“But would you go so far as to call it ‘magnificent’?”

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