Page 28 of Cruising with You

Appearing less than amused, the saint stands up beside me, then presses his hand to my lower back and guides me to the front of the room. I can feel everyone’s eyes on us as we stand awkwardly side by side and wait for Dr. Lorringer to dive right in.

“Thank you for being so accommodating. Obviously, you’re Nora Daniels, and what is your partner’s name?”

“Umm…he’s, uh…”––I motion to him––“this is Gage.”

“It’s nice to meet you both. Can we give them another round of applause?” More clapping ensues. “I assume you are a new couple. Is that correct?”

“How could you tell?” Gage razzes before tossing his arm over my shoulder and pulling me into his side. I gotta give him props; he’s definitely rolling with the punches, while I’m standing here like a bump on a log.

“Because I see two individuals in front of me who have yet toreallyconnect on a deeper level. Either you’re both keeping each other at a distance, or the relationship is simply too new, and you haven’t quite figured out how to cultivate a lastingconnection. Yes, I see a few roots here and there that are fighting to take hold, but it hasn’t happened yet.”

She doesn’t bother to ask us if she’s correct, but it doesn’t stop Gage from countering, “Aww, come on. What are you talking about? I proposed to her the first time we met. If those aren’t roots, then I don’t know what are.”

I laugh, though inside a little voice shouts,Kill me. Kill me now.

This is so awkward.

“You proposed?” Dr. Lorringer prods.

“I wanted to break the ice with a pretty girl,” Gage explains with a casual shrug.

“And a proposal seemed like the easiest way to break it?”

“My friends and I were talking about a friend who had just gotten engaged a few minutes before I met Nora. I guess the idea stuck.”

“Do you think it might’ve been a defense mechanism, by chance? You were afraid you’d never get married and wanted to experience a bit of the high that comes with such a monumental commitment, then you saw a pretty girl and thought, ‘Why not?’”

“What? No. I mean, yes, she’s pretty but….” His arm drops from around my shoulders as he squeezes the back of his neck. “I don’t want to get married. That’s not really on my radar.”

“Which is why my comment holds even more merit. From how little I know of you––so, yes, take that into consideration––I’ve gotten a very strong feeling that you’re not interested in that type of commitment, which you just admitted. Yet, you were willing to propose to a complete stranger, even if it was only for a moment because a small piece of you is searching for that type of connection with someone and the commitment that goes along with it.”

My gaze bounces between the two like a tennis ball during a tennis match.

This is not good. This is so not good.

I can feel the tension radiating off him like it’s my own. He doesn’t like being psychoanalyzed, especially in front of a group of strangers. Or maybe it’s my presence that’s making him so uncomfortable. He’s never minded being the center of attention before now. I don’t blame him for being frustrated, though. My skin is itchy with the knowledge that I’m next. And I’m not going to like it.

Seriously. I’m going to kill Gem.

When Gage remains quiet, Dr. Lorringer presses, “Care to tell us why you’re so afraid of commitment?”

“I’m not afraid. I just don’t want it.”

“Why? You need to dig deeper. No one just doesn’t want it.”

“I don’t.”

“Hmmm,” she hums, clearly unconvinced. “Can I ask what happens when you’re sick?”

“What do you mean?” Gage asks. He’s not the only one confused by the abrupt subject change.

“When you’re sick, who takes care of you?”

“Uh…myself?”

Turning to me, she asks, “Nora, have you ever taken care of a loved one? Whether it’s a grandparent, a sibling, a lover, or a child?”

“My nephew,” I offer, though I could follow it with another ten names if she needed me to.

---