Page 73 of Rules of Association

“All what?” I asked, shoving my thoughts away from worrying about Cee and back to this room.

“All this drama, Connor,” she said exasperated. “Do you think it’s really serious?”

“I have no idea,” I said truthfully. “But I think it’s all a waiting game now. We were too late, and now, sooner or later it’s all going to catch up to us and for better or worse we’ll know what we’re dealing with.”

“You think it could have been prevented?” she asked.

“Most definitely,” I grunted.

“But mom is still railroading you into doing things her way,” Tine said, her voice taking on a quiet sort of knowing that made the declaration less of a question and more of just a statement.

While she was steadily working on her relationship with our mother, I don’t think it could or would ever be entirely fixed. Tine couldn’t trust mom to think of anything other than her precious business first since she had been the worst victim of her doing just that all of our lives. I couldn’t even begin to relate to my sister’s trauma from that time in her life, but we could agree on one thing. And that was the complicated feelings we felt toward our parents.

Sighing, I sort of sank my elbows onto the table. Clasping my hands behind my neck as I shook my head. “And making me feel like shit for fucking it all up.”

Silence fell over our table for a couple beats before my sister looked at me. Her dark features were starting to resemble Mom’s as she grew older. But her eyes held a softness I don’t think my mother possessed. “Why do you put up with it, Con?”

“With what?”

She gave me a knowing look. “With being ignored. She’s a bulldozer. I know, I’m working on accepting it too, but that’s what she is. And she’s never going to stop until you speak up and make her.”

“It doesn’t matter what I say, Tine. It never has,” I said frustrated. “She’s only ever going to see it her way.”

She pursed her lips for a second and then reaching across the table she gathered both my hands in hers, waiting patiently until my focus went to her eyes. “Look, Connor. I know your secret.”

I immediately stiffened, my mind going numb and ready to make every excuse in the book. But then she kept going.

“I know you’re not this quiet recluse of a guy you make yourself out to be. I’ve seen you laugh and joke around and splash at the freaking beach like you’re just a kid and not a literal giant.” She giggled, and I smiled weakly, feeling my heart squeeze. “I think those five years away made you boys forget that I grew up with you. I remember why you got quiet. And I don’t blame you for protecting yourself when you felt like you would never be heard, but it’s time to give it up.

“Mom’s changing. I think it’s age or the fact that grandma’s getting older, but she’s trying. She’s listening more but she’s still hardheaded as hell. It still takes you slamming it over her head for her to see things in a way that’s not her own. But she’s seeing them,eventually.” She shook her head as if she couldn’t believe she was even saying any of this.

“She’ll never admit she’s wrong, trust me I know. But when it comes down to it, she’ll try (in her own way) to make up for the pain she’s causing.”

I felt my hands tighten around my sisters, our eyes locking and holding. “But how is any of that okay?”

She shook her head. “It’s not okay yet. But that’s what we’re fighting for. To make it okay. You have to remember, she didn’t just make up how to raise us, she was raised like this too. She’s doing what she knows, but she’s seeing the error in it. That’s her journey, and she’s owning it. Like she always does. We’ve got to own ours, too. I don’t know what you’re keeping to yourself in there, because you won’t ever tell me. But I know you want to. I know you want us all to know.”

“Tine, I—”

“I don’t want to see anyone else trapped, Connor. Especially not you.” She shook her head. “Stop being quiet about your feelings just to make everyone else more comfortable.Makethem listen.”

Unclasping her hands from mine she reached up her shoulder and latched a hand onto the one that just appeared there. I watched as my sister’s husband leaned down just slightly to take her chin underneath his knuckle. Tilting her head toward him, he frowned and used the same hand to wipe a stray tear away. Then he turned a glare onto me.

“Making my wife cry again I see, Ferguson,” Ox said as he took inventory of the aura between the two of us. He must have realized it was nothing to fight over because he just huffed before turning back to his wife. “Ready to go, Lu?”

Ferguson. The sound of my last name snapped me out of my spiral of sisterly advice and back to reality. To another Fernandez that was probably waiting on me right now.

Flicking my eyes down to my watch I cursed under my breath and whipped out my wallet to pay for coffee. As I stood, I came face to face with an assessing man. His black eyes spearing me for just a little too long to be casual.

“Hey Ox,” I said just in case I’d been rude. I didn’t remember greeting him off the coattails of my sister’s truth bomb.

“Hey Connor,” he said. Tilting his head to the side he observed me. “Late for something?”

“Yeah uh, I gotta meet someone,” I said. Flicking my eyes to my sister I said, “I’ll think about it, Tiney. But please don’t cry for me, okay. I’m alright.”

“Alright,” she said, leaning against her husband. “Thanks for meeting me. Same time next week, right?”

“Right,” I said. “Bye Tine, bye Ox.”

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