Page 50 of Rules of Association

Ugh!

I hated this feeling. I had been hating it all week. Feeling helpless and useless and unfit. And them all showing up here trying to convince me that I wasn’t when I hadn’t earned a thing wasn’t making it any better.

Everyone was quiet for a moment before Ox cleared his throat and stepped forward. “Ceci, we were wrong. We shouldn’t have laughed at you for trying. I know you don’t want apologies and I know you don’t like to be babied, but we aren't here to make things worse. We came to say sorry because wearesorry. And we want to make it clear that even though we poked fun at you, we’re still here. And we don’t want to stop being the people you come to for help.”

Fuck him.

I turned away from his eyes, the black pupils overtaking my light ones in their intensity. I turned my entire back on them, just staring at the wooden floorboards for a few seconds.

One, two, three, four, five seconds actually.

I swallowed. That still wasn’t enough time. There was a lump in my throat, but I wasnotletting it rise.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten…Damn. It wouldn’t go away.

“Why don’t you go pull the new stock out of the cellars, Ant?” Paulo stepped forward, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I can help the customers. You are still terrible at it anyway.”

With rushing relief I nodded and exited the counter, rounding it and heading toward the door. To my siblings I said a quick, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” before disappearing below ground.

Maybe an hour later I heard Paulo’s approach before I saw him. The rickety stairs that came with the cellar could give even the stealthiest walker away.

“So that is all of you, yes? I don’t think I can handle meeting any more young people that are richer than me.”

I snorted, “Yeah, that’s everyone.”

“What did they do to make you so unagreeable?”

“You said I’m always unagreeable.”

“Yes, but in a maddening way. Not this depressing way,” he said, waving his hand in my general direction.

I frowned. “They didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done.”

He eased further into the space. “Yes, but you are upset, no?”

I shrugged.

“You are a fine family all together like that,” he said.

I peeked up at him. “So?”

He looked at me, “But you are still nothing like them. It’s strange.”

Ouch.

Hit number two for the simplest words known to man. They stung just as bad as the first time. Hitting me right in the gut again and again.

Nothing like them, he’d said. And he wasn’t wrong.I never have been, not even when I wanted to be.

“Hey, Pau,” I said, choosing to ignore those words once again. Sucking in a long breath, I let it out in controlled streams. “You remember I have to leave early today?”

“Yes.”

“I think I’m going to head out then, alright?”

He hummed. “Rehabilitation again?”

“Something like that.”

---