Page 178 of Rules of Association

“Ox, please just—”

“We wouldn’t just leave you to figure it out on your own. We can help with the business management of it,” he continued, not knowing when to shut up. “But as for the rest of it Ceci, no one would be better at it than you. Not one of us has ever been better than you about caring all the way.”

“Are you done?” I asked, nearing the point of covering my ears.

“Almost.”

I narrowed my eyes and he narrowed his right back. I should have known by that look alone. Ox has always been the one not afraid to fight blow for blow with me.

“I can’t pretend to know all the details, especially since you’ve chosen to ostracize yourself for months but,” he cut me with knowing black eyes. “I know you’re going through hard stuff right now.”

“And how could you possibly know that,Oaxaca?” I asked, my neck getting hot and my body going defensive at his inclination.

“Because I’m older,Celestia,” he said, giving it right back to me. “I’ve been where you're going and I'm going where you haven’t yet been. I’m not here to judge you or anything you’re feeling right now. I’m just here to throw a lesson I learned from my little sister back in her face.”

I gritted my teeth. “What?”

“You said it yourself. Love is difficult. Sometimes you give more than you take. Sometimes you take more, or even too much. Sometimes it’s far, far away and it seems like you’ll never be able to reach it again. But the bottom line is, it’s still love and it still exists. And the only thing you’ll care about when the other side of it is gone is the things you said and the things you wish you said. Or even, the things you did and the things you were too afraid to do.”

I wanted to smack him.

“Are we talking about the shelter, or something else?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “Was there something else?”

Yep, I definitely wanted to smack him. But I also wanted to hug him for giving me an out. He was a bigger person than me. I would have never done that. Ihadn’tdone it when it had been him on the other side of this talk.

Sighing long and deep I looked away from him. “I can’t decide on it now… Any of it. I need a little time to think.”

He tsked but nodded. “Alright. Let’s talk about your fundraiser then. I think I can help with that too.”

Chapter Forty-three

CECI

“You’re fired.”

“What?”

“You’re fired, bimbosa. Get out.”

I blinked at Paulo who was casually wiping down the counter at the wine shop like he hadn’t just said the words he said. He didn’t look back up at me, just kept wiping at the counter and finishing his normal closing activities. I don't think he would have ever looked at me again if I didn’t go straight up to the counter and put my hands over his, stilling them.

“What did I do?” I asked, looking up into brown eyes I now had the attention of.

“Pssh, what did you do? Besides changing hours constantly, running in and out whenever you feel, and getting everything wrong still to this day?” he asked with raised eyebrows, but after a second and a fluttering look around my face, his own softened and he scooped one of my hands up in his. I held on tight, feeling suddenly unanchored and cast into yet another open current. “Aside from all that… It’s about time, no?”

I shook my head slowly. “No. I don't think so. I know I’ve cut down hours, but I can still help.”

“It was never about help, Ant. You know this,” he said. “You show up here day after day, but your mind is somewhere else. Perhaps it is where you should be as well.”

“You’re…” I stopped, noticing my voice was cracking and the haunting image of Connor on the beach just fucking watching me walk away floated into my mind again. It was a recurring nightmare by this point, haunting me during both sleeping and waking hours. I blinked at Paulo, determined to stay here and not go back to that night. “You’re tired of me too?”

A soft swat on the hand is what that got me. “I've been tired of you since the moment I met you, but this is not why. I only mean that you’ve found a reason to stop working at someone else’s dream now that you have your own.”

It was hard to describe the feeling that washed over me. Relief mixed with sorrow mixed with the purest form of pride. And also dread. Here was another person seeing something in me that I had yet to see in full color for myself.

In the back of my mind, I wondered if that’s what happened with Con and I. If he had loved me long before I had even thought about loving him and he had finally had enough of it. But that was pointless to think about now. I always suspected he’d get enough of me at some point. I just wished I hadn’t realized what these feelings I had for him were before he did.

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