Page 136 of Rules of Association

Silently, he rolled his lips into his mouth for a beat as he looked me over. Rising up from his chair, he started his way around the desk toward me. “You know, Clinton is all your mother, and Clementine is all me. Lord knows what Clayton is, but you Connor, you are a mixture of both of us, I think.”

I laughed despite my confusion, “So what?”

“So, like me, you've always been decisive. You choose fast and hard,” he started, “But, you suffer the unfortunate disposition of idolizing your mother. Which is an impossible task to live up to—believe me, I’m still trying.”

Closing the distance between us, he placed a hand over my shoulder and squeezed. “Your mother, she never learned to show her love from the inside out. You didn’t know her father, but he taught her that love was accomplishing things, and setting people on paths of ‘excellence’ even if it wasn’t the path they would have chosen. I won’t make excuses for her, there are none for me either, but she’s doing her best, mijo.”

“Her best to what?” I couldn’t help but scoff. “Let me know I’m not good enough?”

He shook his head. “No. She’s doing her best to set you on a path she believes will be a successful one. In the only way she’s known how.”

“Force?”I asked incredulously. He shrugged. And I shook my head, not believing this.

“You say you don’t want to make excuses for her, but youalwaysdo. Now you suddenly take matters into your own hands in the most reckless way possible?” I scoffed, feeling my body temperature rising. “And to what end, Papa? With things the way they are now, all you’ve done is make it harder for me to leave and given her more reason to tear down what I love. It sucks being treated like some kind of disgrace, but I want to stick it out for them. To make sure their alright. But I also don’t. Because why is it my job to stick it out somewhere I’m not even appreciated?”

Why should I have to continue to endure and see new perspectives for someone who refused to do the same for me? I was sick of being toldwhythis was happening, I just wanted it to stop.

All the heat that was building in me as I ranted suddenly dissipated when my father shrugged, simply saying, “You don’t.”

I blinked at him, and he smiled, shaking my shoulder encouragingly. “You don’t. You shouldn’t! Hell, I’ve been trying to get you to stop since the day I could. Who do you think talked your mother into letting you go all the way to Europe for college? I’ve been trying to get you out of here Connor, get you away from your mother’s grip for long enough for you to decide to stand on your own. I even tried to get you fired. But you’re stubborn, just like her. And you love her, you just want her approval, yes?”

I swallowed, just staring at him now. Listening to him speak. Wrapping my head around the crazy backwards thinking he was implying.

“If you’re waiting on her blessing to fly the nest and follow your dreams, you’ll be waiting forever,” he said, softer now. “I know it’s scary and I know it feels like you’re giving up on something. But the truth is you’re doing yourself a disservice trying to please everyone when the only one you have to live with for the rest of your life is you.”

More silent watching, and his big hand came up to cup my cheek, patting it slightly.

“We are a family—” he cleared his throat, the adam’s apple there working in a rough bob. “We were sometimes a good one. We’re working on becoming that again, which means, you’re always going to be a part of us, mijo. No matter how far you go, but you’ve got to take the first step.”

“She’ll never forgive me.”

His eyes softened. “She will. Trust me.”

Did I trust that he knew what he was talking about? I wasn’t sure. But I did know that in a roundabout way, he had thrown his all into emancipating me from my mother’s iron grasp. And at the very least I trusted that he had my best interest at heart.

Looking up into my father’s eyes, I almost felt a bubble of laughter fall from my mouth. It caught in my throat, though. Right behind the ball of frustration that had originally brought me here in the first place.

“Will she forgiveyoufor fucking around with her beloved business?” I asked with a slitted gaze. “Because this is real fucked up, Pa.”

“Ah,” he smiled mussing a hand over my head. “That's why I have a clever son to get me out of it. With your scary mother and brother, I mean. Don’t worry about the files, or the police. I’ve got them covered.”

“You do?” I asked—and I’m going to be honest—I didn’t quite believe him.

“I do, mijo; this is my scheme after all.” He said, but he could read the apprehension on my face. “I know people, don’t worry. And I worked the financials at the company before retirement, or did you forget? I’ve still got a few tricks up this old sleeve.”

Okay.

I frowned, my mouth worrying into a scrunch. The first step, huh? I just needed to take the first step.

“It’s all going to be alright mijo.” Papa said from above me.

I gazed up at him to catch him smiling knowingly at me. Giving me an encouraging nod. One that seemed to go beyond just the problems with the company, but to that of all my other impossible decisions too. The first step. I contemplated again, this time with red hair on my mind. Papa’s smile seemed to get bigger, recognition clear in his eyes as he patted my shoulder one last time and assured me, “Everythingwill.”

Chapter Thirty

CONNOR

“What are the chances that we ended up on the same team?” I asked Ceci as I leaned into her shoulder and brought my mouth down near her ear.

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