Page 86 of Rules of Association

He grabbed my wrist and twisted and it hurt.

The sentence materialized in my mind in a whisper of memory. My eyes widened as realization washed over me. I was convinced my chest was cracking, pain lancing throughout my abdomen at the thought that she was scared.Stillscared, even right now as she stood there with me. Or at least remembering a time when she was. And she was being so weird because she didn’t like feeling that way, especially around people she didn’t know.

My voice was low as I stepped toward her. “Is this how he grabbed you?”

Her eyes clamored into mine. Brown and gold. She clung to my gaze as if it were a life raft as she nodded slowly. I nodded too, understanding.

“Okay.” I swallowed. “Alright. We can do one of two things. We can sit this one out, no problem. No pressure.”

Her eyes didn’t move from mine, but her chin moved ever so slightly. Shaking her head from side to side as she refused that option. Like I thought she would.

“Or,” I continued, “I can come at you for real and you can take controlfor real. You don’t have to hold back on me, don’t worry, I can take it. Think of me as him and do it however you want, yeah?”

This lit a spark in her eyes and I didn’t even have to ask if that’s what she wanted. I knew. So taking a few steps away, I waited until she took a few readying breaths. Her shoulders stiffening and her gaze locking on me in a way that was unfamiliar. Fierce.

I felt a little sick trying to grab her so aggressively, but the feeling of needing to help her through this insecurity won out. So I forced myself to move.

The first time I grabbed her, my hand wrapping around her wrist and tugging her gruffly, she freaked out. Squirming and wiggling to break free. Instinctively, I let go. Slipping my hand down to hold hers and tugging her heaving body close to mine as I apologized.

I didn’t think I would hate this so much but seeing her so uneasy was officially my newest weakness. I didn’t want to do it again. But I knew if she didn’t do this as believably as possible, she’d always beat herself up over it.

“I’m sorry,” I said, searching her eyes for confirmation she knew I wasn’t serious. She shook her head silently, trying to get her breathing under control.

“Fuck,” I muttered and against any of my better judgement I leaned my head down at the same time I lifted her arm up, dropping a kiss to the inside of her wrist. Her eyes flicked up to mine, startled. Still, she continued to right her breathing. “I’m so sorry, honey. But we have to do it again.”

Four more repeats later and I could see she was getting frustrated. She was so impatient with herself. But I wasn’t. I’d be here if she got it on the next one or if it took her a hundred more.

And on the fifth try, she didn’t retreat.

As soon as my fingers closed around her arm, she pressed down on my knuckles just like Jenny had in her demonstration, but much harder. I could feel both her panic and her strength as she gained control over me. And I didn’t make it easy for her. Selfishly, I also wanted her to master this, to know that she had a chance of being safe in situations like these. Before I could struggle much though, she had my arm extended behind my back. Pressing hard to bend my wrist and kicking my knees in to send me to the ground.

She did it.

It probably took all of her body weight, but she had me on the ground. Kneeling down, arms outstretched, and probably looking so silly, I cast a glance back at her. She was at my back, focusing hard on the hold she had on me. On her hands. Her eyes were glazed as if she was in a different place altogether. When she saw me looking at her, they cleared.

And she smiled.

Relaxing her hold on my arm she let it curl behind my back and rest there pinned up against me. Then she laid her body over it and hugged me, her other arm coming around my neck as she held on.

“Uh, Cee?”

“Hmm?” she asked in a sigh of relief.

“You know I love your sweet side, but uh, this is basically still a chokehold, honey.” Straggled chuckles rose throughout the room.

Ceci held on for a few extra seconds, hugging me tight, before she let me go. As I stood, I pulled her up with me and she absently rubbed at my arm. A silent apology for being rough on me.

So sweet.

Jenny rounded everyone up as she spoke her closing statements. “This has been a really great first class! As we close and say our goodbyes until next week, I want you all to remember that very first rule. Prevention is your best form of protection. But when you can’t prevent, remember your next best option is to remain calm, regain control, and remove yourself as quickly as you can.”

After Jenny dismissed everyone, Ceci and I made our way to the side where we left our little paper cups of water and the rest of our stuff. I couldn’t resist leaning into her. “You earned yourself an extra pancake for the hug.”

And nothing. Not even a playful jab of her elbow or a warning glare.

“Cee?”

She turned on me and boy did I know that face.

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