Page 187 of Rules of Association

CONNOR

I don’t think I’d ever seen a more heartbreaking sight than Ceci breaking down into tears.

“God dammit,” I hissed as I watched the pieces of her shattering in what felt like slow motion. First her chin moving, then her eyes welling and then her shoulders hunching to her ears like they would somehow hold her together.

Nothing could hold that sudden burst of tears inside, though. It was like crumbling rock falling with gaining momentum. As soon as the first drop of moisture left her, the rest came tumbling down.

I was next to her on her second sob. Scooping her up close and laying a hand on the side of her head. My heart shattering along with hers at the sight and sound of her crying. She wrapped her arms around me instantly, locking them and pressing her face into my shirt. I thought it would comfort her, but it seemed like the embrace only made her cry harder, shaking as she puffed into my body.

“God dammit, God dammit,” I said absently. I tried to smooth her hair down with one hand and the other rubbed long slides up and down her back. Still, it felt like my touch wasn’t doing anything for her. It seemed like it was actually doing the opposite, causing her breath to hitch and her shoulders to rack more violently with her tears. I leaned into her and spoke in a low voice. “Baby, calm down.”

She wheezed.

“Fuck.”

Blinking up I looked around us. Clint was leaning along the wall in front of us, a red-faced Fernandez girl beside him. Mateo was standing in front of Cee and I, switching between an expression of worry and amused surprise. Clay was on the other side of us gaping. When he met my eyes he mouthed‘what the fuck?’And Ox was at the edge of the hallway, leaning against one of the walls with his arms folded, a mouthy Tine hanging onto him and asking him a million hushed questions. I focused on them.

“Is there somewhere we can, uh…” I looked down at the crying girl wrapped around me, my train of thought faltering. Had anyone ever shaken so hard from just crying? I know I yelled at her, but damn. Rubbing at her back some more, I tried to calm the tremors. “Shhh, honey. Stop crying.”

“There’s a guest room down the other hall. Here, I’ll show you,” Ox said, pushing off the wall and walking alongside Tine as they started down the space.

I moved to follow them, but the little fire-ant dug her feet in and pulled against me. She hadn’t looked up at me once since her fire breathing anger had morphed into this. But this resistance seemed more instinctual than intentional. My eyes trailed to our nosey family around us as I asked, “What?”

“Don’t go,” she said through all her hoarseness.

I moved again and this time she broke away, pulling on my arm and my shirt, speaking quickly and desperately. “No, no, no, Con don’t—”

I moved suddenly. Slipping a hand to the back of her neck and the other to her wet cheek. I tried to ignore the electric sensation her touch sent through me. I’d come back to both give Ceci a piece of my mind and get a piece of hers in return. I never thought I would be getting this. This wounded baby deer state which was so foreign for Cee. It felt wrong on her. I hated it and I wanted it gone immediately.

When my fingers slipped into her hair, I tugged a little at the roots, coaxing her to look up at me. I watched her eyes only. The rest was a mess of tears and under eye circles and redness, but her eyes always told me the truth, and her amber irises were clinging onto me like I was her only lifeline. I swallowed, speaking to her in a low voice. “I’m not leaving. We’re just going to a room, okay?”

She shook her head rapidly, her eyes streaming, her chest racking up and down as if she had run a marathon.She was hyperventilating. And it was scaring the shit out of me.

Pulling on her neck and dipping my head simultaneously, I brought our heads together. I tried to control my voice, to keep it low, just between us. But honestly her family seeing us was the last of my priorities. The first was getting through to her.

“Hey, hey now,” I cooed. The feel of her head was cold against mine. Her huffing ragged and hitching along with her tears. I ran my thumbs along the tense veins in her neck, trying to ease the tightness there. “Breathe, honey.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to, baby,” I said. “Breathe for me and listen, okay?”

She sucked down a long breath before she nodded. She let it all out on a sob but that was okay. It was progress. “Good, keep that up.”

She did.

“I am not leaving you,” I said again. “I don’t ever want to again.”

“But you said—”

“Fuck what I said,” I growled. It was the wrong move because she racked another sob, causing me to curse and rub soothingly at her cheeks. Softening my voice I said, “Forget everything I said when I was upset, Ceci and remember who I am.It’s me. I’m here. I’mstayinghere, and I just want to talk to you, alright?”

Her pink lip poked out slightly and she looked devastated, but like she was listening. Finally. “Okay.”

“Okay,” I said, and then I was pulling her into my side as we walked down the other hallway and into the guest room.

I immediately walked her over to the bed, sitting her down on the edge of it. Even sitting, she continued to cry. Her shoulders bunched and her hands working to wipe furiously at her constantly falling tears. Easing down beside her, I placed a hand on her back. “Talk to me, honey.”

“I don’t wanna talk,” she whimpered.

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