Page 41 of Of Blooming Embers
His chest expanded as his gaze bore into mine. Dropping his head, he sighed heavily before stepping back. “I could never forget, Little Star.” The farther he got from me, the deeper the furrow between his brows dug into his skin. “I destroyed what we had. I won’t deny it. The memory of that look you gave me. That moment I ripped your heart—and mine—into countless pieces. Ifeltyour pain, and I knew I was the one who made you carry it. I’ll regret it forever.” He rubbed his palm over his left breastbone, staring helplessly at my boots. My skin warmed as if his palm was brushing over my sternum.
After a moment, his eyes met mine. “But I broke us because it needed to be done. And I’d do it again and again if it meant keeping you safe. From Melina. From myself. From the fucking Ancients themselves if need be.” He reached out and cupped my cheek. “So, yes, I do dare … because, at last, hope is within reach.”
Stunned, all I could do was blink.
He ran one hand through his hair and turned, climbing into the rowboat, holding it steady while I silently joined him. My blood raged as we paddled back, and my molars ground into one another as I chewed on the thick silence between us.
Aching remembrances crawled out of the shadows. I wanted to let the resentment go. Wanted to forgive Gavrel for breaking my heart. Iyearnedto trust him with it again, but I didn’t know if I could.
My infatuation with him had always simmered beneath thesurface. What began as admiration and awe in my childhood had evolved into a deep well of pining during my adolescence. When the spring of womanhood finally effloresced, there was no doubt of my feelings for him.
And two springs ago, when he finally acted on his affections, I recalled his expression—so full of reverence and remorse—when he first called meAsteria. In that moment, I believed it to be true, as the starsfinallyshifted into place.
Until they shriveled that following autumn.
My fingers tightened around the oar, lips smashing together, as other thoughts weaved through my awareness. My mind spun through everything that had happened between Kaden and me. Everything that led up to us crossing that line between friends and lovers.
Guilt twisted like a knife in my guts. My situation with Kaden. My feelings—old and new—for Gavrel.
Each recollection was like one of Medusa’s snakes, threatening to strangle the others. I feared that if I looked at them head-on, I might turn to stone.
My heart banged against my ribs, and my ember hummed against my nape. I breathed in to the count of four, and then out again.
Slow down, I reminded myself.One thing at a time.
If I were honest, I didn’tentirelyregret what happened during the Dormancy. At the time, I had wanted more with Kaden. But even without recalling half of our lives, something had been missing. I just … couldn’t give him every piece of my heart.
And that was all right.
A heavy sigh pushed from my lungs as I sat up and stretched my neck from side to side.
Kaden had said it himself.Don’t ever apologize for feeling. Irritation bubbled up my throat, and I scoffed.
When we found him, I’d remind that cur he’d said that. He didn’t get to make me feel awful for not reciprocating his affections. Not anymore. I wasn’t culpable for his emotions.
A grimace dug into my features.What is wrong with you?Your bestfriend is trapped somewhere, and you’re planning on tearing him a new asshole? Hasn’t he suffered enough?
Spiraling.
That’s what I was doing.
The vibration under my scar tapped wildly.
Bollocks.Hadn’t it had enough fun today?
I jabbed my oar into the swamp water, and mud splattered against the side of my knee. Huffing, I slapped at my pants, brown sludge staining the fabric.
I glanced behind me, and Gavrel raised his brows, tucking his still-swollen lips between his teeth.
He probably thought I’d lost my mind. Perhaps I had. At least, that’s what it felt like with all these unfettered thoughts and emotions bashing around my skull.
Tossing my braid behind me, I turned to face forward.
Fucking void, Gavrel.
Mytoday.
Mytomorrows.
