Page 87 of River & Crown
"See, it's that right there. You're quick to piss people off because it's easier on you if they're mad at you, so you don't have to live up to their expectations. You play the villain because it's easier to bleed than to fade scars."
"They wouldn't forgive me even if I begged."
"Forgiveness," Gigi whispered, "doesn't begin with them. It starts with you. Forgive yourself for what you've done wrong. Apologize to your inner child. Make things right with your sister, because the cycle will continue with these two."
Her eyes bounced from Chosyn's daughter to mine. I gave the baby one last look before leaving the theater room and the house. After buckling Cherish in, I sent Chosyn the picture I had snapped of our kids, hoping she would see it as an olive branch.
Chapter 22
River Ashland
While the other girls were going on and on, chatting about random shit, I sat watching my best friend. Since becoming a mother, I felt like I hadn't been there for her how I should have. It was never intentional, but the way I've been in my head has had me neglecting spending time with Chosyn. We talked daily, but nothing compared to time spent. The time apart also helped me to notice something was wrong with Chosyn. She was withdrawn from the conversation about Navy and Honor, which was strange because she was really Navy's only friend here. Honey and I were cool with her, but Navy spoke to Chosyn more than she talked to any of us. Chosyn didn't even say much when Honey started going on about Lynx and how he wanted her to chill on robbing niggas. She sat quietly with her phone in hand, and tossed out the occasionalmhmm.
"Chosyn, let me talk to you in the kitchen."
I didn't wait for her to agree because it wasn't up for discussion. I grabbed her hand, told the girls we'll be back, and walked her into the kitchen. She hopped onto the counter with her lips pursed. I laughed because it reminded me of when we were younger. Anytime my mother wanted to talk to us, she asked us to come in the kitchen. Chosyn would hop on thecounter and twist her lips up, thinking it would stop my mom from finding out whatever she needed to know.
"You know what my momma would say if she saw you?" I laughed.
"Girl, turning your lips up won't stop nothing I have to say. Now fix your mouth." She giggled, sounding just like my mom.
"Right. Lakelyn did not play that suffering in silence shit."
"She didn't, but somehow you still found a way to do it."
"Huh?" That caught me off guard because this wasn't about me.
"Don'thuhme. I didn't want to say anything in front of the girls, but you told Crown you love him, River."
"Okay?"
"That's not a small thing."
"Never said it was," I snapped.
"Woah! I'm not the enemy here. All I'm saying is telling Crown you love him doesn't fix all the real problems the two of you have."
"What problems since you know so much about our relationship?"
"You know what, never mind. I have my own problems to figure out. Do what you want," Chosyn threw her hands up.
"You don't get to say that bullshit, then say never mind. Say what you have to say."
"Fine." She shrugged. "I love that you're finally opening up to the idea of love, but for you to give Crown what he deserves, you have to close the door on Sincere."
"Chosyn..."
Shaking my head, I followed her name with silence.
"Grieve him, River, and move on. Not because you feel like youhaveto, but because you want to."
"I hear you," I mumbled, not having much of a response besides that. "What’s wrong with you? And please don't say nothing because I'm not in the mood to drag it out of you?"
"Choyce sent me a picture of her daughter holding mine."
"What?" I blacked, and within seconds, the rest of the girls filed into the kitchen.
"What happened now?" Honey asked.
