Page 29 of River & Crown
Four nodded her head, causing her curls to fall in her face. I sucked my teeth hard as hell 'cause of how cute that was.
"Use that voice for me, Four. Let your nigga know you're picking up what I'm putting down."
"I get it, okay. I didn't mean to raise my voice. You just get me so frustrated sometimes."
Guiding her onto my left leg, I scooped her legs, draping them over my right leg.
"What a nigga do besides give you the world?"
"I don't like it when you call me River." She sulked like the big-ass baby I'd turned her into.
"That's your name, tho'." I chuckled lightly.
"Not to you!" she smacked, then giggled when she caught thatpipe downlook that I flashed her way. "You've been calling me Four since you saw me with my glasses. The only time you address me as River is when I fucked up or pissed you off."
Letting her words sink in, I racked my brain to figure out how to tell Four that the name switch had more to do with her as a person than with my own emotions.
"Ight, look." I waited to make sure I had her attention 'cause once I said this shit, I wasn't repeating myself.
"When I call youFour,it's because I know the person who's gon' answer. I know what her laugh sounds like from a few feet away. I can finish her sentence and can guarantee the pussy gon' get wet when she sees me."
"Cortez!"
"I'm lying?"
"Yes!"
"Let me see then."
Slipping my hand between her thighs, I smirked. A nigga didn't even have to really get between her pussy lips to feel her wetness.
"Whatever." She blushed, bringing my hand back to her lap.
"It might seem like I call you River when I'm pissed, but that's not it. River is the woman I don't know and can't fuckin' recognize. River is slightly insecure, majorly guarded, and second-guesses everything I say to her. The woman who got that DJ killed is River. The woman questioning my actions behind the word of a fuck is River. I don't know that woman, and it's not 'cause I don't like her or want to know her. It's because you keepRiveraway from me while getting me addicted onFour."
"Cortez."
Simpering, her hands caressed my shoulders. Her right went toward my braids that her ass loved to tug whenever I was tongue deep in that pussy. The left grazed over my raised scars where I'd gotten shot way back when. Her fingers swept from left to right, then right to left. Her lips parted, then clamped together as her brows dipped and eyes squinted. Anytime her fingers found my scars, her face contorted in the same way. The question ofwhat happenedlingered at the tip of her tongue, but her voice never forced it out. I was thankful every time for her sudden silence.
I hadn't spoken on what happened that day since I realized Emily was playing my ass the whole time. What fucked me up was even after I killed her, I still couldn't see beyond the love I had for her. I chalked her cheating up to being a one-time thing. Shit was rocky with us. She needed time I couldn't afford to give, forcing her to find a nigga who could. That was easier for me to accept versus the truth. Honor told me two weeks after I killed Ems that the nigga I caught her fucking was a nigga she knew for years. By the time Honor explained the whole thing was a setup, a nigga had checked out. The next couple of years were dark for me. I pushed all of it to the furthest parts of my fucking brain, burying it deep and wishing I could set fire to it.
"What happened?" she murmured.
My body went stiff as fuck.
"Crown." Four took my face into her hands, tilting my head back until we were eye to eye. "I do keep River away from you. I don't want you to know that side of me because she's broken, and I'm scared those wounds will never heal."
"Let me heal 'em for you." Just like that, a nigga found his voice and was able to breathe again.
"It's not for you to heal, and I would never ask you to."
"Why not?"
"You have your own healing to do."
Leaning down, Four brought her lips to my scars. I tensed unwillingly. The pain of that day remained like phantom kicks. Four kissed over my scars before bringing her eyes back to me.
"We're Crown and Four. I don't think either of us is ready to be Cortez and River."
