Page 155 of River & Crown
I let out a frustrated sigh and started tugging on one of my braids.
"What does she need?" I asked.
"I'm going to send Wolfe an address. Pull up, but please don't start no shit. Matter of fact, Wolfe, you go in and get River. Crown can stay in the car."
"Yeah, ight," I huffed. "Just send the address."
Wolfe took the phone off speaker and talked to Chosyn for a few minutes before hanging up. He typed the address into the GPS, and wherever Four was, it was an hour or so away from us. The exact address wasn't familiar, but I was familiar with the area. Four was in the Grove, a place she shouldn't have been without me. Her ass didn't grow up out there, so there was no reason for her to be there unless she was on fuck shit.
Chapter 40
River Ashland
"Seven days makes me weak.
Not enough time for me.
The last on my mind.
The first in the morning."
With ease, I recited the lyrics like scriptures, feeling the weight of the words heavy on my chest. Singing words that portrayed my mood was easy. Stringing words together to bring Crown back to me was the hard part. At work, I talked people into generational wealth. Racing, I popped my shit and proved every word to be true. When it came to the BBs, I reminded them every chance I got that the world was theirs to conquer. I knew all the right things to say to everyone but the person who needed to hear from me the most.
Coming out of my closet, I sat my heels next to the bed, grabbed my phone, then ran back "In My Feelings"by Choszn.
"Seven days makes me weak," I whispered.
Seven days had come and gone since I'd seen Crown. That was a hundred and sixty-eight hours since I'd heard him call meFour.And somehow that was a hundred and sixty-seven hours too long without him. Losing him made time crawl. Every second was its own kind of cruel and unusual punishment. Iwas the cause of my own torture, and I think that's what made it worse. This fuck-up was mine to fix, and I didn't have a clue where to start, but that didn't stop me from trying.
I'd typed out way too many apologies, only to feel they weren't good enough and delete them. I wasn't sure what to say, but I knew Crown deserved more than aI'm sorryorI love you. He deserved honesty. He deserved a love that mirrored the love he's shown me from day one.
Maybe Crown isn't who I deserve... or maybe I'm not who he needs.
Shaking off that thought, I shoved my phone into my purse, slipped on my heels, and then sprayed his favorite perfume. There was no way I didn't deserve Crown because I needed him even if he didn't need me. Crown had become the answer to my prayers. The ones I mumbled when sitting in my closet, broken and trying to piece myself back together. The ones I didn't know I sent up when I was chasing dick to numb the pain. Shit... maybe I didn't deserve him. I'd gotten so used to discarding men over the years that I had forgotten how to hold on to something sacred. I wanted it all with Crown, the four-eyed triplets, his last name... all of it, but I didn't deserve him... I didn't deserve Cortez.
Biting down on the inside of my cheek, I tried my best to blink back the tears. I didn't have time to cry, but once a few slipped out, they all began to fall. I took a deep breath, ready to let everything pour out of me, until I heard three soft knocks on my bedroom door.
"Chosyn," I whispered, almost forgetting that she was still in my apartment.
We talked when we first woke up about her heading home to be with her husband. Chosyn wouldn't say it, but I knew she was missing Wolfe like crazy. I figured she'll leave long before I made the decision to go to Sincere's Remembrance. Rakim texted tocheck up on me and passed the invite along. At first, I didn't plan on going, but then I thought about how this was the perfect way to close this chapter of my life. Chosyn was probably going to make a big fuss about me going, but I didn't care because I needed this to fully let go and move on with my life.
I stood wiping under my eyes, grabbed a few other things to stuff in my purse, then went to open the door.
"I know you're not going where I think you are?" Chosyn sassed, shifting Phoenix from one hip to the other. My girl was a momma forreal, and because of that, I knew there was nothing she could do to stop me from leaving.
"I am," I answered, kissing Phoenix's chubby cheeks.
"No, you're not."
"Who's going to stop me?" I asked already halfway down the hall.
"You think because I have Phoenix that I won't follow you there?"
"I know you won't because then you'll have to deal with Wolfe being mad at you, and we both know you hate that."
"You think you're funny?" she snapped, trailing behind me.
"Nothing I said was funny, but I'm not your child, Chosyn. I can come and go as I please."
