Page 106 of River & Crown
"Ugh, you don't get it. You didn't know Leah, how I did."
"So." She frowned.
"So?" I scoffed. "I love you, I swear to God I do, but sometimes talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. You don't see beyond your own feelings for people. Leah isn't a bad person. Yes, she felt a way about us getting closer, but it's probably because she felt she was losing the closest person to her."
I hated to defend Leah, but I couldn't act like Leah was never my friend because we fell out.
"Let me guess, I don't know what it's like to lose the only person I have?"
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. Despite what you obviously think of me, I do see beyond my own feelings. I lost the person who meant the most to me at fif-fucking-teen. I've lost time and time again and not once did I do some foul shit to anyone I claimed to love. So, what, Leah had a hard life. She isn't the first and won't be the last. What she went through doesn't give her the right to shit on you, River! If you can't see that, who am I to force you to?"
Chosyn's words stung, but I wasn't backing down that easily.
"You say all that but have yet to realize there's more to saying you love someone than being there during the good times."
"Leah doesn't fucking love you. How many times do I have to tell you to look in the fucking mirror? Someone who loves you wouldn't beat your ass the way she did."
"She doesn't have to love me because I love her. She struggles just like you did when I?—"
"When you what, River? Came into my life and saved me?" she spat.
"Don't put words in my mouth."
"Why not? It's not like you'll ever have the balls to say it. I mean, that's why you keep hinting at my inability to love people."
"Again, I didn't say that."
"When do you ever say anything?"
"Fine!" I spat tired of Chosyn making me feel like I was a coward. "There's more to love than what you and Wolfe share."
"Wow!" Chosyn let out a humorless laugh that left the hairs on my arms standing. "So, you really think I don't know love because Wolfe is the first person I've loved?"
"I didn't say you don't know love. I said there's more to it than?—"
"I heard exactly what you said. As my best friend, you should know better than anyone how deeply I fucking love. Before Wolfe, I loved Choyce. I loved my sister so fucking much I brought a plot and buried an empty fucking casket with her name on the headstone to help me grieve and move on. After her was you. I love you to the point I'll probably step in front of a bullet for you, even with knowing what I'd be leaving behind by doing so. Then there's Wolfe and my daughter. The things I would do to protect them in the name of love are unspeakable. That's how well I know, love."
"Chosyn, I?—"
"No, let me finish because you need to hear this," Chosyn sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I don't know the full story of you and Sincere, but I can say that nigga warped your concept of love. You think loving someone is allowing them to continuously hurt you. Sincere put your life in danger by having you drive as he shot up the block. That nigga gave you apology flowers, treated your birthday like any other day, choked you,and from what Ma told me, twisted your arm behind your back. Sincere continuously hurt you, and you still loved him. Even in death, that nigga has an unhealthy hold on you. Leah is just more of the same. You were there for her, helped her through whatever issues she had, and what did she do? Tried to trick you out of your spotandbeat your ass. She showed you who she is and your still trying to hold on. So maybe it's not me who doesn't know love because a muthafucka only has one time to hurt me. I'm don’t give out second and third chances."
"I know love!" I shouted, chest heaving and tears slipping down my cheeks.
"I believe you," Chosyn said, standing up. She grabbed her phone and purse from the end table and headed toward the front door. "You know love in the way Sincere taught it to you. I guess that's why you held yourself back from Crown. You couldn't love him without making him hurt."
I sat stunned, watching her walk out of Crown's place. My mind scrambled for a response, but what was there for me to say? No longer hungry, I went up to the bedroom, stripped out of my clothes, then walked into the adjourning bathroom to shower and run through my nighttime skin care routine. By the time I finished, sleep weighed heavily on my eyelids, each blink slower than the last. I flipped my curls forward and tied a scarf around my head, tossing my curls into a pineapple. I got in bed, tossed the thick comforter over my body and took my ass to sleep.
Chapter 26
Crown Gravehart
"Ihave the meeting set for eleven on Saturday," Syn said the moment she picked up the phone. I couldn't do shit but chuckle at her bluntness. No greeting, no simpers in her voice, just straight to business.
"How much longer you gon' treat me like I'm part of the dad's side of the family?"
"What?" She snickered but cut it short.
