Page 174 of River & Crown
"I'm thankful that he did. I don't think I'll be able to live without Honor."
"But," Monique chimed in for me.
"But he's acting like leaving the hospital is what's best for him. Like, as soon as he walks out of here, he can just go back to living life how he did before getting shot." I let out a sigh that felt like it came from the bottom of my soul. "Why isn't his surviving enough to show him that he needs to sit still for a while?"
"Surviving what he did may not feel like a blessing to him. Traumatic events often rewire you. So, expecting him to want to sit down and rest isn't going to happen."
"Yeah, but..." I hesitated, wondering if discussing my life with Honor was the right thing to do.
"Sweetheart, you don't have to say anything you're not ready to," she assured me.
"No, I want to, it's just that..." I took a deep breath, then let my emotions spill out. "It just always feels like Honor is running toward death, almost like living isn't good enough for him. What pisses me off the most is how he disguises it as him protecting his family. Honor acts like it's his job to step in front of everybullet that comes toward his family. It pisses me off so badly because not once does he think about the aftermath or what it'll do to me."
My throat tightened as the familiar sting rose fast behind my eyes. Monique reached over to rub my shoulder, but I felt what couldn't be appeased any longer.
"I get it, Navy," she spoke soothingly. "A man I used to date sounds like Honor. He didn't love many, but those he did, he loved with every fiber of his being. The list was short when it came to the things he wouldn't do for them."
"What happened between the two of you?"
"I walked away. You see how you said Honor would walk in front of a bullet... well, I watched my ex do just that. He literally pushed a childhood friend out of the way to keep him from getting shot. Long story short, the whole thing was a setup. His friend was so sure that my ex would save his life that he set him up to get knocked off."
"Why?"
"He wanted to take over. What I learned from that situation is that my ex wasn't chasing death. He just wasn't moved by life anymore."
I covered my mouth, trying to muffle the sound of my hurt, but it still broke free. Tears streamed down my face as my body folded in on itself.
"It's okay."
Monique moved closer and wrapped her arms around me. I fell apart, crying harder than I have in a long time. I didn't live by all the rules that my father and Talon did, but there were a few that stuck with me.
You don't get to cry, Navy. Not when you're my daughter. In my line of work, tears don't earn sympathy. They mark you as weak. And this world shows no mercy to women. You'reexpected to be just as strong as the man whose blood made you. So, swallow the hurt and stand tall.
Any time I cried for any reason, my father reminded me why I didn't have the luxury of showing my pain. For some reason, that stuck. I wasn't heartless, but I learned to swallow the ache and stand tall... until it became too much. It wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, but it kept me sane. Dealing with Honor and his brothers took a certain mental strength, the kind that would've broken the average woman. But not me. I took the pain, buried it, and stood tall, showing Honor, Wolfe, and Crown they had someone they could depend on, someone who would never leave.
"I'm good now, Monique. Thank you." I moved out of her arms, grabbed a tissue, and cleaned my face. When I was done, I sat up straight and acted as if what Monique said didn't bother me.
"I see." She smiled half-heartedly. "It's okay not to be okay, Navy. You don't have to be as strong as the man you love."
"Yes, I do. I want Honor to be moved by life and not just wait for an opportunity to welcome death. Now, about him leaving. I agree that his leaving now is too soon, but I've already had that conversation with him. So, how do you feel about having him discharged in a few days? That'll give me time to learn everything I need to do regarding changing his bandages. If there's anything else he needs, I'll arrange for a nurse to stay with him at the house. I know he won't be able to bathe himself, and no heavy lifting, but what about dietary restrictions?"
"Navy—"
"Monique, this is for the best. Please, just tell me what I need to know to make sure this man fully recovers."
After staring at me for what felt like forever, Monique finally gave in and ran through a few things. Anything else I needed, she said, she would speak with the live-in nurse once I hired one.
"The doctor still has to sign off on his discharge," she added.
"I know, but trust me, he'll sign off. Let me go give this man the good news."
"Okay." Monique nodded.
I stood up from the chair and walked down the hallway to Honor's room.
"What are you doing here?" I frowned, seeing Kage standing outside of Honor's room.
"If you see me, then I'm sure you know why I'm here."
