Page 151 of River & Crown
Wolfe pushed himself forward, moving off the wall and leaving out the mill. He came back inside a few minutes later with a blunt burning at the tip.
"My nigga." I chuckled, taking it from him. "Chosyn's got the best weed."
"Yeah, my baby does her fucking thing. I'ma let her build the facility she needs to grow her shit out here. Nazari is cool doing it for her in Brooklyn, but I know my baby wants to do it herself."
"Word? That's huge."
"Yeah. I'm giving her the money from the insurance company for my property burning down."
"You mean your childhood home that she set on fire?"
"Yeah, nigga." He laughed. "Her intentions were pure, even if her actions were driven by dumb shit."
"Chosyn's wild."
"She is, but that's my muthafuckin' heart forreal. I went years without knowing her, and I can't remember life before her."
"That's deep. I remember everything before Four."
"You ready to get that off your chest?" he asked, motioning for me to pass the blunt.
"I don't know what to say about it forreal."
"Society has a way of making black men feel like we ain't allowed to feel shit. Our emotions are only valid when we're hard, cold, or angry. They'll acknowledge that shit but dismiss a nigga when he wants to drop a tear or two behind a broken heart.
"They know we're superior to all these other niggas out here," I said, understanding where he was coming from.
"Exactly. We scare them, so they burden us with the duty of carrying the weight they placed on us. Then wanna lock us up or label us crazy when that same weight causes us to snap. Society might not ever welcome black men being emotionally intelligent,but that's why you've got me. When no one else listens, know I've got you always."
"I appreciate that," I told him.
"It's real. Emily had you popping pills like Tic-Tacs. I don't wanna see you going down the same road because of Four. Admitting she broke your heart isn't bitch behavior. Talk this shit out with me, and whatever you say stays between us."
"Whenever we stayed at Four's spot, she used to get up super early. She'd watch the sunrise and then go chill in her closet. I used to wonder what she did in there, but I didn't question it. The day I picked her up from the hospital, I found out what her ass was doing."
Letting my words sink in, I took a pull from the blunt.
"Fuck was she doing?" Wolfe asked.
"Either crying over the nigga she lost or praying for him to come back. Four had a shrine to her ex hidden in that bitch."
"Naaaahhhh!" Wolfe said, shaking his head, disbelief twisting his face.
"Deadass." I nodded. "She didn't deny it either, just kept telling me I didn't understand."
"What if it weren't as deep as you think?"
"Nah, it's deep 'cause when I told her I junked her car, she told me she hated me."
"Four didn't say that shit."
"Hearing it knocked the wind out of me. I could do nothing but laugh forreal."
"Four's going out sad." Wolfe sighed.
"We both are. Four fucked me up saying that shit, and still, I pull up on her to watch her bedroom window and wonder who's the reason her bedroom light stays on all night, me or the fucking carcass."
"You love her, so I get it, but damn."
