Page 150 of River & Crown
"I want this life with you forever, Cortez."
"What if forever isn't long enough?" I challenged just to see where her head was.
"Then meet me in the afterlife," she said, not missing a beat. "I'll do death with you even if it means holding hands in eternal darkness."
"Nigga, you good?"
I slipped the velvet box that seemed to take over my every thought into my pocket as Wolfe walked into the mill. We slapped five, and then he posted up against the wall across from me.
"Shit, I'm alive, so I'm good." I shrugged, finally answering. Being alive seemed like the only positive in my life as of late, but even that shit was questionable.
"You know I'm here if you wanna talk about?—"
"Don't say her fucking name," I warned. Hearing anyone mentionRiversent me into a rage that was hard as fuck to come out of.
"Shit's fucked up like that with y'all?" he asked as if he didn't already know. There wasn't much Chosyn kept from him, and he kept from her. The two were a walking billboard for pillow talk.
"I'm good on her."
"Chosyn said ole girl said the same about you."
"Ole girl?" I chuckled.
"You said I couldn't say her name. What else I'ma call her?"
"Four, nigga. I just can't hear that other shit without wanting to wring her neck."
"The fuck she do that has you wanting to put hands on her?"
"Chosyn didn't tell you?"
"She hasn't been home. The only time I see her is when I pick up Phoenix. You didn't know she's staying with Four?"
"Nah," I lied.
Four and I were on the outs, but a nigga couldn't stay away. The night that shit happened, I pulled up and used my key to let myself in. Four's bedroom lights were off, so I assumed she was asleep. Chosyn caught me coming through the door and told me I had to leave. I started to push her ass out of my way, but then I heard a loud, ragged scream that cut through the walls, piercing my ears. Chosyn didn't have to say anything after that. I left and sat parked outside and did the same shit every night after. In the morning, I dipped off before she walked out onto her balcony.
"You don't gotta lie, nigga. Chosyn already told me you were park outside her crib."
"Fuck you ask for then?"
"To see how honest this conversation gonna be."
"I'm not beat for this shit right now, Wolfe."
"That's cool, but you need to get whatever you're feeling off your chest. I'm not Honor, but I think I know a thing or two 'bout trying to shake off our parents' demons."
"I'm not my pops."
As soon as I said that shit, I had to pause. I didn't kill Four, but I pulled my gun on her, and that was just as bad. Telling Wolfe what happened wasn't gon' do shit but get me lectured. Wasn't much he could say that I hadn't already said to myself over the situation.
"Four is safe. I'll never kill her. I just..." Chuckling, I scratched along my jaw and started pacing. "There's no way to phrase this shit without sounding like a bitch."
"It's fucked up you feel like that. As grown men, we should feel comfortable expressing ourselves without feeling like our manhood suffers because of it. I apologize if I haven't given you the space to?—"
"I'm good, Wolfe," I cut in, still pacing in hopes I could outrun these fucking thoughts of Four, that fucking ring, and our triplets that I prayed to God about every night.
"You're not good, and that's what I'm afraid of, but I got you."
