Page 147 of River & Crown
"I wanted you too."
"Nah, you didn't want me, Four. You wanted to use a nigga as a placeholder, knowing I could never fill whatever void a pussy nigga left behind. I wore your ass down, though. Shit, maybe I forced you to love me, and that's where shit went wrong. That's on me, tho', so I gotta take this shit on the chin, no matter how badly it breaks my heart."
Crown walked toward the rooftop's edge, and I trailed behind, desperately searching for the right words to ease our pain. Without warning, Crown flipped the backpack, letting everything I had left of Sincere be carried away by the wind. Every photo, the few pieces of jewelry I still had, and the cute notes Sincere wrote me when he really messed up... all of it was just gone.
"No!" I screamed, rushing forward, but Crown yanked me back.
"You deadass crying for that nigga?"
"Why the fuck would you do that? Those were my memories!"
"Those weren't fucking memories, River! They were a fucking shrine. You had me competing with a nigga whose address is six feet beneath the fucking earth." His voice cracked for half a second, but I caught it.
The pain.
The betrayal.
The disbelief.
I heard it all.
"Every morning at your crib, you got up and watched the sunrise probably 'cause you did it with that cadaver ass nigga. Then you'll go into your closet and probably fall to your knees for that ghostly nigga. Memories I could've understood. This ain't that, tho', and you know it."
"They were just memories, I swear!" I sobbed.
"You must really love that maggot food ass nigga to lie to my face, Four."
"No... yes... I don't love him, I love you!" Breaking down in front of Crown, I felt everything that we built come crumbling down. "You don't understand. You don't know what it's like to try to move on while feeling like a piece of you has been buried in the dirt."
Crown stared at me with a deadpan look. I held his gaze, searching for something to hold on to, but there was nothing. Feeling defeated, I looked beyond Crown and focused on my birthday gift. The Porsche was perfect and made for a greater distraction. I subtly started to count the roses just to keep my mind from drifting back to Crown. I made it all the way to twenty before the gratitude soured because that's when it hit me. The Porsche was my new car... but what the hell happened to my old one?
"Where's my car, Crown?"
"You're looking at it," he answered, sounding so smug, and that's when the tightness started right beneath my ribs. I tried to breathe normally, but the air was caught in my chest.
"Not... not this one, the G8 Crown. Where is my car?"
"After the accident, it wasn't salvageable, so I junked it. I didn't know you built it with the nigga taking a dirt nap until I saw a photo of y'all, but shit, I guess everything happens for a reason."
"You had no fucking right!" I barked as everything inside me caved.
"Fuck that car!" he gritted, stepping into my space. Lowering his head, he brought his forehead toward mine. His stare was cold, and normally, I would've backed down. I knew my limit when fucking with Crown, but at this point, I didn't give a fuck.
"That wasn't just a car to me. We spent countless days on that car. I won and lost my first races in that car, and now it's gone, like it never mattered!"
I was livid. Who did Crown think he was, to take something so precious from me without speaking to me first?
"Stop bullshitting me, Four, and be honest with me. Why are you really mad because I know it's not about no fucking memories?"
"It is!" I insisted.
"Nah, it's not. Be honest with your husband or does the muthafucka feeding maggots his skin only get the truth from you?"
"No," I sobbed.
"Yeah, it's that nigga for you." He chuckled, rearing his head back. His hand stroked along his jaw as his eyes said everything his lips didn't. I broke him. What little was left after Emily betrayed him, I shattered into pieces.
"That wasn't just a car to you... that was true, but the reason isn't memories. In your eyes, that car is just like the shit you kepthidden away in your closet. You held on to all that shit because your dumb ass can't let him burn in hell peacefully."
