Page 117 of River & Crown
"Just call me the grim reaper."
"So damn extra." She giggled, rolling her eyes.
"Nah, extra is taking your glasses whenever you're not with me so you're Ray Charles to these niggas."
"Crown!"
"Love at first sight is a thing. I gotta keep your ass blind."
"I'm already in love so these other niggas don't matter." She cupped my face and looked me square in the eye when she said it.
"Damn Four you got my heart stuttering and shit. Keep talking like that and I'ma upgrade your cane to a seeing-eye dog."
"Bye, Crown!" she mushed me.
"No forreal. I appreciate you wanting to talk things out. This shit is hard for me 'cause I know you're gonna look at me differently. But know I would never do no shit like this to you. I'll have Honor ship you off to a hidden island before I do to you what I did to Em... I mean Emily."
"Okay," she finally said.
I swallowed hard, rubbed my hand along my jaw, then shrugged and told her the truth.
"Back in the day, I met Emily when chilling on the block. I was talking to her when some dumbass sprayed the block. I covered her, taking a few in my shoulder. My mom used to tell me that things happen for a reason. She didn't believe in coincidences. I took that logic and applied it to Emily and me. I swore what happened that day bonded us on some forever type shit. I think I might've even said something about that situation being a crazy way to meet my wife."
"Oh, so I'm not the first woman you met and called your wife." She playfully grimaced.
"Nah, you're not but you're the first I've ever opened up to about this shit."
"I'll take it."
"We dated for years. Shit was cool until it wasn't. Emily started acting and moving funny. I brought it up a few times, but she played like I was crazy. After a few arguments, I left the shit alone. I was already falling out of love with her, so I let whatever she was out there doing come to me. I was supposed to go out of town, but I doubled back to the crib because I forgot something. Long story short, I caught Emily getting fucked by some nigga. I killed him, then dragged her dumb ass from the bed. I tossed her on the floor and then yelled for her to get on her knees. She was crying and pleading with me, but all of it fell on deaf ears. I ended up pulling my dick out and with my gun to her head, I forced her to suck my dick. She kept crying and apologizing but I wasn't focused on none of that shit. Her getting banged out by another nigga was all I saw. I can't tell you much of how shit happened 'cause I was in a daze. Her crying and pleas turned into gags. Her nails clawed at my fucking thighs. I blacked out, and when I came to, she was on the floor, dead. No bullet holes, no blood, just fucking dead."
"You choked her with your dick?" Four's eyes widened, her mouth parted until a silent gasp slipped through.
"Yeah. I was fucked up behind that shit and started popping pills. I had an issue with 'em when I was younger at Gravehart Homes. Honor helped get me straight when I was younger. I felt like shit when he had to help me for a second time."
"Wow."
"Yeah." I sighed. "Honor's only three years older than me and six years older than Wolfe but that nigga has always been a father to us. I was fucked up on them shits. He sent me away for a few months and when I came back he told me the nigga Emily was fucking had been her boyfriend for years. Supposedly, she was only fucking with me to set me up."
I finished talking and dropped my eyes from Four's. I couldn't stand to see how she felt about a nigga. Aside from that, I had no remorse for what I did to Emily.
"Then I guess she got what she deserved."
My head snapped in her direction. Four laughed hard as hell at my reaction.
"I'm just saying." She shrugged. "I don't agree with what you did, but I get it. Love is a rollercoaster. You fall in and out of it, but what Emily did wasn't just disrespectful, but it triggered something in you."
My face scrunched in confusion, brows pulling tight, and the bridge of my nose wrinkling.
"Just hear me out, and please don't get offended. You told me about your father and his insecurities with your mom. I think what Emily did triggered your insecurities, and that's why you moved around how you did before me. You fucked your way through women and then you found me. I was supposed to be more of the same. I don't know why I wasn't, but I also triggered something in you. With me, you became smothering, overbearing, and needy. You locked me down with rings, hyped me up with compliments, and kept all men away from me with threats."
"Fuck you saying, Four? 'Cause it sounds like you're trying to call me my father and I'm nothing like that nigga." I glowered, regretting telling her this shit.
"With Emily, that's exactly who you became, and that scared you into keeping your feelings out of your situations. You didn't want to hurt anyone like you did Emily."
"What, you think I'll do the same to you?"
"No," she answered quickly and confidently. "I said what I said because I want you to know I see you, not as Crown but as Cortez. I understand now." She smiled, tugging at my braid.
