Page 42 of Falling Princess

“Nothing at all. I’m fine. Good break?”

“Great,” she said tightly, as though we hadn’t discussed the basic outline of our holiday on the plane ride here. When she didn’t bring it up, I took that to mean that popping the question to Lorcan did not go as hoped. A qualm of despair settled into the pit of my stomach. Should I have warned her?

I don’t know what to do or say. I have no practice with these things, much though I want it.

“Mine, too,” I said, lying. My break sucked arse, as they say here. I picked up my plants from Cata’s house, noted that half of the few struggling sprouts had died during our absence, and moped while setting up a new set of seedlings. If we can’t grow our native plants outside of Auralia, my plan to turn them into cash crops is unlikely to succeed.

I can’t even care for seedlings; forget an entire country. Between my grades, the botched Midwinter speech, and the distinct possibility that my father will cancel my conference in Glasgow in March, I feel like such a failure.

Lorcan has essentially stopped speaking to me. Or I to him. It’s hard to say which of us gave the cold shoulder first. I certainly wasn’t chatty on the trip back to Scotland, not that I ever really am with him.

University is starting to feel less like an opportunity and more like a prison. The start of last term was bad. This is worse.

On the Saturday of the third week of the term, Kenton grabbed me around the neck and said, “Get dressed. You’re coming out with us tonight.”

For a moment I was excited at the prospect. Then I shook my head. “Can’t.”

Kenton pointed a finger at Lorcan. “You, too, Knight.”

Lorcan scowled. I’ve never seen him express so much emotion. Of course, it’s displeasure that I might want to socialize with other students. Fuck that guy.

Bashir grinned, stoned again. At least one person around this suite is oblivious to the tension around here. “I’ll hang back with Raina.”

Speaking of people with crushes...Raina is blind to the way he looks at her. She and Lorcan really do deserve one another. Oblivious dummies. Their little love triangle with Bashir is tiresome.

Excited to be leaving the dormitory suite for once, I threw on jeans and a loose-fitting teal sweater that brightens the color of my eyes. Moss green isn’t much to work with. I spent too much time doing my makeup, too, until Kenton bellowed at me thattime’s a-wasting, Princess. I pulled on knee-high boots and braided my hair in a thick rope down my back. Between Raina and me, we are constantly clogging the shower drain, even though we’re fastidious about keeping the bathroom clean. We just have too much hair.

Outside, we crunched through the snow. I clutched my white winter coat close to my neck. My breath clouds the air and the tips of my ears sting with cold. I should have worn a hat.

Lorcan trailed me and Kenton, at a distance.

“You don’t have to sit at home avoiding everyone just because that guy is stuck to you like a barnacle on a ship’s hull.”

“I feel so awkward with him watching me all the time.”

“Just ignore him. You ignore your other knight protectors, don’t you?”

“I don’t have any other knight protectors.”

Kenton nudged my shoulder. “Your royal guardsmen. You ignore them; just do the same to him.”

One thing I like about him is that he never treats me like I’m fragile. At home, weeks will go by where the only physical contact is from my maids brushing my hair and dressing me. Even they are gentle, like I might break if they touch me.

Here, I don’t even have that. Part of the reason I’m so anxious to try sex, or at least kissing, is that I long for someone to touch me. The thought of having to go into a marriage with a man like that creepy ambassador, and having human contact become something I dread, might actually kill me.

Lorcan, once he’s done being my guard, can go and marry whomever he chooses. Right now, he’s messing up more than just my grades. He’s messing up my whole life.

“I can’t ignore him. His presence makes it too uncomfortable to chat up prospective dates.”

“Princess. I’m telling you: it’s his job. He won’t care. Ignore him and hook up with someone, if that’s what you want to do.”

“Are you seriously suggesting that I ask Lorcan to pat down and do an impromptu background check on some poor, unsuspecting lad, and then make my knight wait outside the bedroom door while I make out with the guy? Because that’s what would happen.”

Kenton shuddered. “Gods, that’s awful.”

“I know.”

I have no idea how much of this conversation Lorcan overheard, nor do I care.

---