Page 125 of Falling Princess
Oh, no. It’s rather more dire than the prospect of banishment. The real reason why he’s so reluctant to be with me this way.
Damn. Damn the entire world.
“I don’t want to live without this,” I whisper despairingly. His hair tickled my face. I rolled onto my side with my head on his shoulder.
“That choice isn’t ours to make. Not yet. Wait for me, and it will be.”
“I expect the same of you, Knight.”
“Of course. I can’t imagine wanting anyone else.” He kissed me reassuringly. “I never meant for this to happen so soon.”
I traced the rise and hollows of his clavicles with my nails. “Soon? Lorcan. It’s been almost two years.”
“They’ve been a good two years.” He stroked my arm gently. “I’m glad we’ve had them together, even if they weren’t everything you wished for.”
I buried my face in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply, committing him to memory. Every muscle, every scar, the perfect ridges of his ribcage, the narrow span of his waist. The texture of his hair in my fingers. I can have a taste, but no more. I want to weep. To lash out.
We were interrupted by someone coming in the front door. Heavy footfalls. Bashir. Lorcan pressed a finger to his lips and kept lazily tracing circles on my skin.
“We’ll be caught,” I whispered
“He’ll think we’re asleep in our rooms.”
That makes sense, now that I think about it. Lorcan has a cool head. He leaned over me to click the button lock on my study door, just in case.
I was on the verge of dozing off in his arms when Bashir’s steps came thudding toward us. Lorcan went instantly alert. The handle rattled. A muffled curse. Then he went away, stomping toward his own room.
“That was close,” I murmured. Weird. What could he possibly want from my study? A pencil sharpener? Tape?
“Yeah.” Lorcan hugged me tightly. We waited until several minutes of silence passed. “We should go to our rooms. I’ll go first. I can be silent, and no one will think twice if you come out of your own study, no matter what the hour.”
True. There’s hardly any point in being caught together now that we’ve agreed to wait.
In love, but not lovers. Promised, but not betrothed. Perpetual casualties to the crushing weight of duty to crown and country.
Goddesses, how I hate it.
* * *
It happened so abruptly that it didn’t feel real. Scarlett ran up to me in the hallway as Lorcan and I were coming out of Professor Pigeon’s class.
“Did you see the news?”
“No. I’ve been in class.” Duh. I do recall my phone vibrating in the last fifteen minutes but I didn’t look at it.
Lorcan had his out, frowning grimly.
Unease pooled in my abdomen.
“Everything okay?”
“No.” He took my elbow. “We need to find Cata and Raina.”
“What about Bashir and Kenton?”
“You’re not going there, are you?” Scarlett asked. Her voice rose with panic. She trailed us out onto the quad. Lorcan wasn’t running but it’s clear he’d prefer to be.
“I think we are.” I looked to my knight for confirmation. He nodded tersely. We ran up the stairs, two at a time, into the science building. Raina’s classroom was on the second floor. I was breathing hard by the time we got to the top.
