Page 105 of Falling Princess
“Don’t I know it.”
As for me, I envied Kenton’s freedom and autonomy a great deal.
When he released me to the next man I was to dance with, I excused myself and drank a glass of wine before returning to the floor. This became my pattern for the evening. If I couldn’t enjoy myself, I might as well do my best to forget this dreadful evening.
Later, I found Kenton again and whispered, in English, “Don’t tell Raina. Or Scarlett. Please. I wasn’t trying to make trouble.”
He shook his head. “I won’t.” He plucked the glass from my hand. “You’ve had enough. I’ll take this.”
Too late. I was already drunk enough to make poor decisions. Toward the end of the evening, I pulled Lorcan out of the line of guards and tried to get him to dance with me. A terrible idea.
“I’m only your guard,” he hissed, eyeing the straggling nobles warily, resisting as much as he dared to in the face of a direct command.
“You’re my personal knight. You’re a bit more than a regular guard—”
“Zosia. Stop making a fool of yourself. Sir Lorcan, back to your station.” My father’s face was a thundercloud when he intervened.
And that was the end of that. My father might not mind my dancing with Lorcan when we’re out in the world together, but here at home? Never. I knew that, but I was desperate and inebriated enough to think I might get away with one song after most people had left. All I’ve done is pour petrol on the rumors about us.
It doesn’t bode well for my marital prospects—but those were always going to be a disappointment.
Lorcan was relieved from duty for the remainder of the holiday as punishment. He stayed in the castle, quartered in the barracks with the rest of the guards, but I hardly glimpsed him. I couldn’t bid goodbye to my home and get back to Scotland fast enough. The outside world was beginning to feel more like home than my own country.
* * *
Royals University
“Would you be offended if I wrote a paper about you?” Scarlett asked me not long after our return to Scotland.
“Depends upon what it’s about.”
“A comparison of you and Princess Hallie.” She rolled over on my study’s built-in bed, from her stomach to her side. “And possibly Raina, too. Maybe a few other royals.”
Scarlett jokes that she likes to collect princesses as friends.
“She might like to be included. You’re comparing us...how, exactly?”
My plants were a little worse for wear after the break. I’ve managed to keep this bunch thriving, but Cata declined to come back immediately. She said she wanted to remain in Auralia to see her sister’s baby born.
The biggest surprise of Midwinter was the news that Saskaya, at the age of forty-four, was a mother. I couldn’t believe it. To say that Sas wasn’t the motherly type is the understatement of several centuries.
“Your freedom. I find it interesting that while she is from a deeply patriarchal society and you aren’t, your ability to make decisions about your own lives looks about the same.”
I inhaled and set down my watering pot. “I don’t want to see this printed anywhere. My father won’t approve, and Auralia cannot afford the negative press.”
“See, that’s exactly what I mean. Your father has total say over your life, even though you’re supposed to be the ruler.”
“I didn’t want to be coronated at seventeen, when I came of age. I wanted an education. To try life outside the castle before I settled into my expected role. That was my choice, and my father went to great lengths to make it possible.” I don’t know why I feel so defensive about this. She’s right.
Yet she’s wrong, too. I had a hand in making this situation, even if I couldn’t see, two years ago, how things would turn out.
After consulting with Kenton on the journey home, I chose to tell her I’d proposed to her boyfriend, and that he had wisely declined. Scarlett took the news in stride.
Lorcan did not.
Ever since the disaster at the ball, he’s been distant. Not cold, but distant. When he looks at me it is with banked fire in those blue eyes. He’s gone tight-lipped and silent again.
Wait for me.
