Page 95 of Absolution

I shift in the chair, jaw tight. “She doesn’t talk about him either.”

“Did she ever try?”

I look down again. “In the beginning… yeah. But then she stopped.”

She nods slowly, jotting something down, then looks back at me. “Can I ask you something else?”

I shrug. “You’re the therapist.”

She smiles gently. “Do you think grief makes you weak?”

That makes me pause. “No. I mean…” I hesitate. “It’s just… I didn’t grow up in a house where it had any place. My father always said emotions were for people who had the luxury of failing.”

“And your mother?”

“She was never around,” I say automatically. “Always out, always busy. I know now that it wasn’t her choice, but it doesn’t change the past.”

Nina nods again, then leans forward a little. “Let’s talk about Jackie.”

My shoulders stiffen.

“When she became a mother, when she was caring for the kids, staying home, what did you expect from her?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. To… handle it. To be there.”

“To be there,” she echoes. “Even when you weren’t?”

I flinch.

“That expectation, where do you think it came from?”

A long pause.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I always said I didn’t want to be with someone that didn’t have a life outside of the home. I wanted Jackie to have ambitions, a career. And if she wasn’t gonna have one, then she should stay at home and take care of the kids.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess, I didn’t want her to be a… you know, a trophy wife with a nanny.”

Nina lets the silence stretch for a few seconds before speaking again.

“Do you think that’s why you cheated?”

My throat tightens. “I don’t know. Maybe. I felt like I was entitled to more. I thought, if she’s not going to be what I need…”

I stop.

She gently presses, “And what did you need?”

“I wanted a partner that was… not like my mom.”

There’s a pause. Then Nina’s voice, soft but pointed:

“And now that you know the truth about her? About your father? How has that view changed?”

I stare at my hands. “I just want a loyal partner. That’s it.” I swallow hard. “Something Jackie was. Even when I-” My voice catches. “Even when I hurt her. She never betrayed me. She never turned the kids against me. She stayed my partner… and I’m the one who failed.”

Nina nods slowly, giving him space before she speaks.

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