Page 112 of Absolution

She finally looks up. Her expression is unreadable.

I press on. “You were… a good wife. A great mom. I made it impossible for you to thrive in that marriage, and I blamed you when you didn’t.”

Jackie blinks quickly, like she’s holding something back. Then she speaks, calm but flat. “Why now?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I've finally realised that the mistakes I made, the hurt I caused, it’s irreversible and I am not entitled to your patience, your body, your forgiveness.”

Her jaw tightens.

Dr. Nina glances at Jackie. “You don’t have to respond to anything you’re not ready for.”

Jackie shakes her head. “It’s fine.”

She turns to me. “Do you want me to forgive you, Kyle?”

I hesitate. “No,” I say honestly. “I mean, yes. Of course. But that’s not why I’m here. I just… I couldn’t move forward without saying it. Not to clear my conscience, but because you deserve to hear it.”

There’s a long silence.

Jackie stares at me, her face unreadable. Then she lets out a short, bitter laugh. “Well, you’re forgiven, Kyle. You can move on now.”

I blink. That didn’t sound like forgiveness.

Her voice sharpens. “Go screw all the twenty-year-olds you want. Over balconies, under staircases, in their shitty apartments with no curtains, go ahead. For all I care, you can throw them off the damn balcony.”

She stands up, like she’s about to leave, but then drops back down into the couch, hands gripping the edge of the cushion. Her voice cracks. “Why? Just tell me why.”

I swallow. “I wanted to apologize-”

“No,” she snaps. “Why did you cheat?”

Her eyes are glassy but furious. “I mean… I told myself maybe you stopped loving me. My body, my brain. Maybe you just got bored. That made it easier, you know? To think you were gone already. But you weren’t. If this past week showed me anything, it’s that you still love me.”

She shakes her head like the thought itself makes her sick. “So how? How can you love me and still cheat on me?”

I open my mouth, but she continues.

“Don’t,” she warns, voice low. “Do not say it was a mistake.”

I shut my mouth.

“Because a mistake happens once. You don’t plan a mistake. You don’t getvasectomiesfor a mistake.”

I look away, jaw clenched. My heart’s pounding. I don’t even know how to start explaining something I barely understand myself.

She waits. And when I don’t speak, she says, quieter now, “So what was it then? Did you want out and didn’t know how to say it? Or did you just want to feel powerful again? Wanted someone who didn’t carry your babies and cry in the shower and bleed on your sheets?”

Her words punch a hole straight through me.

“I know it’s unforgivable,” I say.

Jackie doesn’t move. Doesn’t blink. Just watches me like she’s trying to decide whether I even qualify as human.

“The first time… when you were pregnant,” I say quietly, “itwasa mistake. One I knew I didn’t want to repeat as soon as it happened. I was drunk, and then Duke... I told myself telling you would just destroy everything. So, I swore I’d be better. A better husband. A better father. And for a while, I was.”

She flinches at the name. I push forward anyway, needing to get it out.

“It worked. Until COVID. Until you…” I trail off. “I know it wasn’t intentional. But at the time, I didn’t understand. I felt abandoned. Like I’d held up my end of the deal.”

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