Page 100 of Absolution

“Thanks,” I say.

He turns and walks up the stairs. I watch him go, my arms crossed tight against the wind.

It shouldn’t matter anymore, but watching him go leaves a quiet, dull ache I can’t quite shake.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Kyle

She’s going away. With another man. A man who isn’t me.

I should be angry. Jealous. I didn’t even know she was seeing someone. But all I feel is this deep, hollow loss. Like I’ve really lost her. Not just the marriage. Not the house or the routines or the co-parenting schedules.

Her.

My ego, God, the embarrassment of it, was brutal. So bad I skipped my therapy appointments. I had told Dr. Nina all about how Jackie and I were reconnecting. How things were… softening. I said maybe we weren’tdoneafter all.

She warned me I might be reading too much into it.

I’d smiled and said, “I know my Jackie.”

Turns out, I don’t know her at all.

I was too ashamed to go back. Too ashamed to admit I’d misread it, that I’d clung to something that was never there.

So, I did what I do best. I shut down.

I still haven’t returned to therapy. Not because of the shame, not completely, anyway. I’ve just beenbusy.That’s what I tell myself.

The merger finally went through, and somehow, I’m getting handed every nightmare file no one else wants. My father’s making a point. Loudly.

Turns out after Mom leftherethat Sunday, she went straight to his apartment in the city. Walked in, looked his newest girlfriend in the eye, and told him she was filing for divorce.

He’s furious. Said I “poisoned her.” Said I put the idea in her head. I didn’t even know she filed until he called to scream about it.

She’s here now, upstairs with the kids while I sit on the stairs like a goddamn ghost.

Regret tastes metallic. Bitter and sharp and impossible to swallow. I want to take it all back,so fucking badly. If I had a time machine, I wouldn’t buy shares. I wouldn’t play the lottery.

I’d go find my smug, cheating, self-righteous prick of a self and punch him square in the mouth. Tell him he's about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

The only problem is, ‘which time would I go back to?’ The first betrayal, or the second?

I can’t ask Jackie for a second chance. Because I alreadytookit. And I blew it.

Now I get to sit here and watch as Charlie fucking Pine takes my wife away from me.

And this time, I don’t get to blame anyone else.

A few days later, I decide to work from home. School’s been cancelled due to the heavy rains. It has been a relentless downpour, slamming against the windows like the sky was trying to break in.

I’ve been trying Jackie’s phone all morning. Nothing. No signal. I hope it’s just bad reception.

I might hate Charlie, but if it’shiscabin they went to, he probably checked the weather before they left. He didn’t seem careless.

Still. There was flooding just a few days ago near the Guadalupe River. Flash flood warnings. I saw them on the county alert system.

And if she’s stuck out there, God, if they try to evacuate inthisweather…

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