Page 95 of Deviant

I snarl, turning my back and move to stare out the window. Actions have consequences, I knew that, I was happy about that,I just didn’t realise how deeply I would allow my soul to intwine with hers.

“There is no immediate rush.” Antonio says coming to stand beside me. “Becoming Chapter Lord will take time, even with Turner gone. Enjoy the bitch while you can. Just remember, when the time comes, you will need to put her down, and you will need to do it publicly.”

I give a sharp nod. Of course the Brethren would demand that. She’ll become a sacrifice to my altar. The first of many by all accounts.

But she will also be the greatest, the worst, the hardest to make.

I will have to tear out her heart from her chest, knowing that mine is gone with it.

As Antonio leaves, it feels like we both feel the weight of his words. Neither of us speak. We both just stay where we are, clearly mulling over the future he presented.

It makes me wonder if her newfound devotion will crumble away now that she knows her fate is unaltered. Will she come to her senses? Stab me in the back and try to flee when I least expect it? The woman’s a determined bitch when she wants to be, and she’s proven that fact more than enough times for me to be wary.

I’m not foolish enough to trust this new docile creature she’s become. And I didn’t get to where I am now by ignoring my instincts. No, despite my apparent like of her, I cannot let her beguile me into becoming some lovesick fool. I need to be clever, cleverer than she is.

I clear my throat, turning to look at her. “What do you want as a reward?” I ask.

She frowns in obvious confusion.

“You were obedient just now, you did exactly what was necessary and you took his molestations without complaint. What would you like as a reward?”

She blinks, startles, then looks at the same view I’m facing. “Outside.” She breathes. “It’s been so long since I even felt the sun on my skin.”

She could have asked for a diamond. She could have asked for clothes. But my lips smile at the simple request she makes, one that’s so easy to grant.

And as I take her hand, I feel as though I’m a genie delivering on her final wish.

The air is cool, the breeze is gentle. I can feel it swirling around, playing with the pale pink silk dress Magnus permitted me to wear. I can hear the birds singing, and as I shut my eyes I feel like I really am in heaven, like I really have died and gone to paradise.

Magnus is behind me, close, but reassuringly so. It feels like he’s granting me this tiny bit of freedom and like a bird that’s been trapped in a cage for far too long, I stretch my metaphorical wings and I revel in tiny bit of peace seeping into my veins.

I know he’s echoing my steps, chasing my shadow but there’s enough distance between us that I don’t feel threatened. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to run. I haven’t even contemplated it.

I just wanted to see this space that I’ve stared longingly out at for so long. I wanted to smell the flowers and remember what it was like to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin.

I reach out, letting my hand brush lightly against the petals of a flower I once knew the name of. It’s purple, bright, flamboyant even. I raise my hands smelling the light scent that lingers there.

I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know how long I have left.

I doubt Magnus wanted me to hear his conversation with Antonio, that he most likely did not want me to know that that death sentence is still there, hanging over my head.

As I turn my gaze to look back at him, I wonder what he sees in me now.

Is he satisfied by my behaviour? Is he happy that I’ve become so docile, so tamed?

Is that enough to save me?

No, I already know the answer to that. It isn’t enough.

It’s out of his hands. Magnus is going to kill me, it’s just a question of when.

Though my heart breaks at the thought of it, I know there is nothing I can do. If there’s one thing this captivity has taught me, it’s that I don’t have control. I don’t have autonomy. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am a toy, an object. Magnus can use me and hurt me and do as he likes, and there’s nothing I can do but thank him for his time and his attention and in silence I can lick my wounds and weep for the person I was before.

It feels almost satisfying to embrace that fact, to acknowledge it.

It’s liberating in a way to realise that all of it is out of my control now.

My life before was hard, I was in a constant state of fight, a constant state of having to prove myself. Now, all of that is gone. All of that is removed. Magnus took it away, he moulded me,remade me, he took all my sharp edges and he made me worthy of something.

---