Page 16 of The Empire and the Wolf King

I said, “That’s a lot to bear.”

“Aye, though I will, I can, if ye will be strong. I ken tis a lot tae ask — I canna get the screams and wails of our bairns from my head. I ken ye are verra sad, but tae hear ye cry is breakin’ my heart. I daena ken how tae think through it with this much anguish.”

I kissed his chest. “I understand.”

“I daena want ye tae think I daena care, that ye canna be sad, but… tis dire and I am havin’ trouble stayin’ on top of m’self. I feel as if I might drown in despair.”

I said, “That’s not good, my love, I will be strong for you.”

“Ye will be a terrible arse?”

“Yes, and the motherfucking matriarch. I can, I will. I’m deeply sad, but I know you are too, and I know that sometimes when I cry you have to become the strong one. It’s not really fair that you haven’t gotten to cry and that you have to be strong. I know you’re very broken about your brother and I am so sorry. I will do anything I can to make it up to you.”

“Ye already do, just by listening, comfortin’ me in the darkness of our luxurious bedroom.”

I chuckled. “Luxurious isn’t quite the word. I think I have a…” I shifted and burrowed my hand under the blanket and plucked up a long piece of straw. “Poky thing in my back. What is our plan?”

“We must get from here tae a place where we can sign a contract and get ourselves found.”

I said, “Easy.”

It was his turn to chuckle. “Then I will give ye a poky thing that ye will actually enjoy.”

“I bet, Master Magnus, that you won’t need to wait to give me a poky thing. I do like the poky and want it much sooner than later…”

I tossed the straw away and tucked back against his chest. “I am really sorry about Sean, do you… do you think we could go back, loop around to rescue him?”

He was quiet for a long time.

“I keep thinkin’ about how tae keep him from dying, there were so many of us comin’ and goin’ tis hard tae find the one time that we could change. I could hae told Edward that I wouldna meet him at Kippen Field, but Arse-gall shut down our vessels. He and Edward would hae attacked us either way.”

His finger stroked up and down on my shoulder as he thought. “If we go further back tae the day before, what stops him from going back even further?”

“Yeah, true, that would suck.”

“Aye, and he can leave us stranded, which makes him formidable.”

“If he had stranded us earlier, I might have been stuck at Balloch along with Sean and the kids. Sean wouldn’t have time traveled. The kids would be safe. Sean would be alive.”

He said, “Perhaps, we canna assume, but we know Arse-gall was looking for us at Balloch. He might hae attacked Balloch while Fraoch and I were at Stirling…”

His voice faltered. “It canna get much worse than what really happened, but I daena ken if we can change any of it for the better.”

“And no matter what, you would still be fighting Asgall and the English king by yourself with no weapons.”

“Aye, but if I kept my brother alive twould be worth it. I keep runnin’ it through my head, all the things I might hae done differently. My mind is restless with thinkin’ about it.”

“I wish I had an answer that could quiet your mind.”

He nodded quietly. “I ken.”

Even up in the loft the pungent smell of animals hung around us; the sounds of cattle lowing, pigs rustling and grunting, another creature snoring in its sleep.

I raised my head and looked down on his face. “What if you didn’t go to Stirling?”

“But then Archie’s mind wouldna be settled. He was verra distressed, I daena ken how I would hae solvedthatwithout goin’ tae Stirling and takin’ m’rightful place on the list of kings.”

“True.”

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