Page 122 of Promises to Keep

The only saving grace was that it was cool inside the castle. I dragged a chair over to a wall in our room and sat with my forehead pressed to a smooth stone. Something about the solidity and the chill kept me from throwing-up. Also, luckily, my morning sickness was better than the last two times, but I still spent many hours during the day with my forehead pressed to that wall, alone.

Hayley spent a lot of time at the spinning wheel. Sometimes I went up to the workroom to help her, but it was a quiet work. Spinning put her ‘in the zone’. Most days the kids spent their time with Emma, Sophie, and Beaty watching over them. I visited the nursery, but the boys were too busy to care if I was there. So Isla and I would play house, or mommy, or store, or some such game, with Zoe doing her best to be a part of it, but most days I helped Lizbeth in the running of the house.

Lizbeth was skilled at this job, and had done it for so long that there was an ease to it. Scheduled tasks, little drama, but a whole lot of walking. I liked this work because it was methodical and important, and I was good enough as an assistant to be able to take some of her load, when I wasn’t completely nauseous.

One day, about twenty weeks in, we were lugging a bundle of cloth across a room, and she said, “We work verra well taegether, Kaitlyn, I am grateful for ye. Ye understand the pace at which we need tae work, tae hae that perfect balance—”

We dropped the bundle to the floor. I dusted off my hands, and blew hair from my forehead.

“The perfect balance between…?”

“Being busy enough tae nae hae tae be idle.”

I asked, “You don’t want to be idle? ”

She laughed. “Nae, what am I tae do? Go tae the nursery and watch my daughters and nieces carry dolls around?” She scoffed. “The world would hae me follow my sons and nephews intae the hills around the castle and watch them play fight and get intae the kind of trouble I ought tae talk them from? Who am I tae talk them from it? Yer husband and my brother were such trouble at this age and I never could talk them from the trouble of it. They would hae fought me on it, and they turned out wonderful men.” She put her hands on her hips and blew hair from her warm forehead. “Nae, I must be busy so I can leave the bairns tae be as they want, besides that, if I grow bored…” She smiled. “I will dream on chocolate.”

“Me too, I miss chocolate so much.”

She looked wistful. “It has been months since I had some last.”

“So so long. I will never travel without it again, from now on, when I come, I will have an armful of giant chocolate bars.” I gestured how big one would be.

She said, “They make them so big? Then aye, this is a promise I will hold ye tae.” She added, “Ye are beginnin’ tae show.”

“Really?” I looked down at my middle. “It doesn’t seem like it. I wish Magnus was here.”

“Ye are showing, and I do hope for yer sake that Young Magnus returns in time. Ye are a strong woman but ye are verra needy, all of this is beyond ye.”

I feigned horror. “What?! I’ll have you know I am very strong and not needy at all. Not… I mean…” I sighed. “I am very needy, I hope it’s not in a weak way. But yeah, I really want Magnus back, I do need him. I miss him.”

Living in Kilchurn we had melded times, we brought things together and mixed it up, but here, now, we lived in the eighteenth century with eighteenth century means. We ran out of batteries on our electronics, bit by bit; we ran out of toilet paper; then we had no toiletries left; and we were completely free of caffeine or sweets. I desperately missed all of it. It was like living in the sixteenth century with Magnus, but without his good humor and without his guidance. He was usually our guide to this world, or Fraoch. Now we had Sophie and Beaty to help, but they had no power, they couldn’t really change anything for us.

Sophie and Beaty were like two sides of a coin. Sophie could only tell us tae accept our fate. Beaty was inclined to not accept. I would catch her with her hands on her hips huffing at the broom, or scowling as a rat scurried across the floor. “Och nae, tis a disappointing outcome.” She and Sophie stayed with the bairns or sat in the weaving rooms at the looms.

James and Quentin worked for Sean, argued with each other, and went out for long rides, hunting, or out to the islands, fishing. Zach went with them if he wanted, or could go to the kitchen, making it his personal mission to cook better food.

It was difficult to make it better. We ran out of spices very early on. It was cold and rainy and we were growing weary of the… all of it.

I, for one of the first times in my life, had a routine. I woke, helped the kids start their day, went down to help Lizbeth with her duties — most days these were commonplace chores, organizing meal service for the house, making the shopping lists. There were merchants and farmers to meet with. We would spend days planning and ordering and buying cloth, we met the men as they returned from the hunts, went to the docks to see the catch, and kept track of the harvest, there were many people to feed, and the past year had been very cold, we had to keep our stores always in mind.

At first Lizbeth had the pens that we once brought and we used them to make lists, until they ran out of ink. The last mark from the last pen had made me cry. The finality of it. I had sat with it in my lap for quite a while, just thinking about how easy it was to replace a pen in the twenty-first century. Most desks had a cupful, but here... it was insurmountable.

I said to Lizbeth, “I am so so sorry, I didn’t mean to use the last of the ink.”

She nodded, solemnly, “Och, twas a wondrous thing tae hae it, but like all things, tis fleeting, we must go back tae using a quill pen.”

“Or memorizing, since a quill is a huge pain in the arse.”

“Aye, it truly is.”

* * *

Twice a week Lizbeth met with Burness who ran the Earl’s gardens. He provided grain and vegetables. Then we met with Malcolm who kept the Earl’s animals. Lizbeth spoke to them at length, their voices elevated, arms waving as they spoke. She remained calm and haughty, not unlike her mother, and then the two men would leave, seemingly exasperated. The first time I asked, “Are you placing an order? They sounded angry.”

“Tis more like they are telling me I canna hae what I want, but I am telling them I want it anyway. They are always set tae win against me, but they always give me what I want in the end. I think tis a game with them, but they are always at it, with nae chance of winning — Och! I hae a secret, Kaitlyn!”

“What is it, oh, is it Magnus—?”

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