Page 49 of He Thugged Me First

“You so dirty. Old dirty ass nigga.” Mecca was mugging me. “Why do niggas cheat with the bitches they claim they’d never fuck? I mean, ew!”

I already felt more fucked up than I was, and she wasn’t even giving me a chance to explain or fix it. Who was I kidding though? How would I fix something that a split-second lapse in judgment broke? All I could repeat to myself was that I fucked up. How was I supposed to fix what I had messed up in the building stages? The funny thing about the situation was that she had every right to cut me off, every right not to pick up her phone after I blew down her line. She had every right to feel what she felt because she did, but I needed her to not. I didn’t even know what the fuck to say at this moment because in such a short amount of time, I got used to the idea of her and everything she stood for. I got used to the idea of normalcy, and in that moment with Honey, I let the street side of me take over. I allowed the side of me I was walking away from to come out to play, and it had cost me emotionally everything.

“Damn, nigga. It looks like you’re over there about to cry.” Kasair interrupted my intense thinking.

“Nah. Remember when I hit you with your car that time and left you with that frail bitch? Remember how you looked at me? You didn’t hate me at that moment. That was one of the moments where you saw the turmoil you’d put me through. Now put yourself in his shoes,” Mecca responded with a knowing tone.

“Damn, you fucked up.” Kasair shook his head and glanced from me to my sister.

“Hell yeah, he did. Be lucky Gayze isn’t nuts or I would’ve had to put out an APB on your ass.” Mecca shook her head and picked her phone back up.

I knew for sure she wasn’t like that. She was more hurt than anything. I couldn’t get the look of pain in her face out of myhead. I felt like shit. How the fuck could I fuck up what I was building with her. What the fuck had I done?

I sat aroundand kicked shit with my sister and Kasair for a while until it was damn near time for me to go get Mel. I still had some time though, so I stopped by Canez to spit with the manager, Liz. I was giving shorty a raise because she handled her shit, even though I was always breathing down her throat. She was handling my baby with care while I looked into opening more of these spaces. Not many places were like Canez, and it wasn’t like any bar. It was something I had planned for years before it came into fruition. Not only did I always want to own something, but I also had an obsession with old schools. I created a space where they were able to be admired and used as furniture. Canez was my first baby, and the moment I finally handed the streets down, this was all I saw myself doing. The transition was happening, but I was a little leery of things for Quari and Kasair. I had run things a different way from all of those before me. I had no problem rolling heads and causing bloodshed, but I didn’t feel it was always necessary. I handled things through talking and negotiation but kept Quari around in case a nigga hopped tough. Of course, I had no problem handling shit myself, but I didn’t see why I should. Real hood legends rarely had blood on their physical hands. I couldn’t say I didn’t want to handle whatever it was that was going on, but this gave Quari and Kasair the perfect opportunity to show me that they had this shit. I would be lying if I said I didn’t worry about them, but I never allowed it to manifest into anything other than that. They had worked under and beside me for long enough to know how to handle their own. The thing is, Kasair was Geminiblooded. He saw things at two different sides, and you never knew which way he’d pop. He could come from a place of deep thought or allow his temper to take over. Then there was Quari. Young blood was trigger happy and hot headed. He had logic like a motherfucker but didn’t think twice with heat on him. I looked at them both as the closest things I had to brothers, and I knew they could handle the responsibility, but I feared how they would. In the streets, there were two types of regimes. Those who were run by feared leaders and those who were run by respected leaders. Fear didn’t necessarily lead on to respect and vice versa, but you had to choose how you wanted to run your shit and run with it. Of course, there was a downfall to both, but it was up to you how you ran your shit and how it worked. In the years I had worked the streets, I had my share of downfalls and my share of greatness, but I knew when it was time for me to get out. It was very fucking clear, and I was never one to overstay my welcome.

It didn’t take me long to talk to Liz, then I was on my way to pick my sister up. At six years old, Mel was the apple of my fucking eye. She was my lil’ spoiled ass baby, and I treated her as such. It was dead ass her and Mecca for me. When Moms hit that shit and decided she didn’t want to be a parent anymore, I had no fucking choice. That was when it was just me and Mecca. I made sure she was in school and straight anytime my mama went off the reservation on a binge or her normal shit. That’s when she popped up pregnant with Mel. She didn’t stop the drugs because she didn’t give a damn about the baby she was carrying. Long story short, my mama died giving birth to her. None of the shit I went through stopped me from giving my sisters a better life and making sure they never wanted for shit.

When I pulled up to Mel’s school, I sat in the car for a moment to gather my thoughts before I got out. She was in kindergarten, so she had to be picked up. They weren’tdismissed like the older kids. I hated to go to Mel’s class because her teacher was always trying to fuck a nigga. Once the time hit three on the dot, I hopped my ass out of the car. When I walked in the classroom, I was expecting to see my bug still sitting at the red table. I blinked a few times as I saw that her area with her name tag was empty. I glanced up at her teacher, then toward the little coat area, it was empty.

“Where is Melani Carson?”

“She was picked up early by her brother,” Ms. Allen responded almost instantly.

“I’m her brother, her only brother.” I turned around and walked out of the classroom toward the main office. I didn’t pay all this fucking money at this school for just anybody to pick her up. Within the same second, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Mecca’s number.

“Let me guess. She threw a tantrum?”

“No, they said she was already picked up by her brother. Did Kasair pick her up?”

“No, he left with Quari right after you. What do you mean? Where is Me—” I hung up the phone and barged into the busy office. “Where the fuck is Melani Carson?”

Quari

Something about life had a nigga walking on clouds this morning. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, knowing I had shit to handle today. Last night with Love was just it for me. When she said yes, she lit my whole fucking life up. Niggas like me weren’t supposed to have happiness, but she gave me that. The fact that I had been contemplating asking her the question for about a year now was what was crazy. I had never been nervous about shit in my life, but getting down on one knee in front of Love had to be that thing. Once I got on my knee, my words began to flow, and it all poured. Everything came from my heart, and when I looked up in her eyes, I knew I was doing right.

“You gonna keep your ass over there smiling to yourself like a bitch, or you gonna tell me what she said?” Kasair interrupted me from my thoughts.

I laughed and glanced over at him. “Bitch, what did you think she was gonna say? She said yeah.”

“She ain’t have no choice. She already let yo’ egg head ass trap her. Who the fuck wants a female with a homicidal baby daddy?” he asked, glancing over at me before back at the road.

I busted up laughing.

“I’m dead serious. Most females got baby daddies that cap, but Love got yo’ ass. My boy, you cap, like pow-pow type shit.” He shook his head and focused on the road.

“Nah, but on some real shit, it just felt right.” I shrugged.

Kasair glanced over at me with his face screwed up, then back at the road. “I’m happy for you and all, but niggas don’t say shit like that. Fuck you mean, it felt right?”

“Because it did, bitch. Yeen too far behind. Mecca gonna have yo’ ass at the altar with a stun gun and a tux.” I glanced down at my phone.

“Yo, that really ain’t funny,” Kasair said with a straight face.

“I wasn’t tryna be. I hate coming out here. I ain’t never got no fucking signal.” I shook my head.

“Me neither, that’s why I ain’t even looked at my phone.” He shook his head.

Kasair and I had decided we’d pull up on this nigga Gotti on his stomping grounds. He didn’t expect us to pop up at his crib, but then again, Kasair didn’t expect those shots. Niggas thought because they had houses out in Olympia Fields that no one could touch them. Nah. In my book, no one was untouchable, not even God.

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