Page 82 of He Thugged Me First

“Heed my warning if I have to bury you, ya moms will never get closure because they’ll never find you.”

He nodded and started to walk away.

“You better run, fam. This nigga is quick to change his mind and I’d hate for yo ass to end up in that trunk again.” Mazzier shrugged.

Apparently that was enough because Darrius took clean the fuck off. He left his ID on the ground which I picked up and put into my pocket. I’d see him again.

“Run Forest, run!” Kasair’s stupid ass yelled.

I giggled before my expression grew serious. “I don’t play with my food never have. When some shit needs to be handled, I do just that or it won’t end well. That’s about five times this motherfucker has come at us and we’ve done just this. The thing is, I’m not this. That little motherfucker was in my car which means those motherfucker knows where I lay my head. Fuck me, they know where my livelihood is.”

“You're right.” Mazzier responded.

I nodded, but I didn’t need to hear that. “Y’all think of this shit but consider all that’s at risk because I don’t have the patience for whatever the fuck this is.

“What happened?”Was what she asked when I walked in the door. She had been all in my shit since I took my hoodie off and revealed the moist, bloodstained hoodie that clung to my skin. Icould see in her face that she was worried, but she had to give me a minute. After handling things, I always needed a moment but this time I needed her.

I couldn’t utter a word because she had never seen me bleed or any of that, so I didn’t know what to say to her that wouldn’t worry her. At this moment I didn’t know how to ease her mind because I couldn’t ease my own. The one thing I found to be very clear was the last words I’d said to Kasair and Mazzier. I was serious, I didn’t like this shit one bit. I even hated that I came home when I had nothing but murder on my mind. My attention was broken by the sound of the door cabinets opening.

Her hair was no longer flowing around her face, instead she had it in a ponytail on top of her head balled up. She looked at me but she didn’t. In that moment we were in a different space and I could feel it. We had been since I told her not to worry. Without a word, she gripped the hem of my shirt an helped me out of it. Seconds later she tossed it on the floor next to us before she moved to my side to assess my shoulder. It wasn’t that bad I just bled a lot. Once she silently cleaned me off, she patched me up and started to clean up after herself still without a word.

“Don’t worry.” I found myself stressing from my lips.

“Then don’t make me.” She turned around and looked at me in the eyes with her weary ones. “Handle this and make sure it’s no longer a problem. Remember when I asked you why you were so good at what you do. What did you tell me?”

“Because I don’t play with the veggies.”

“Then stop playing with your Veggies.” She responded before I reached and pulled her into me.

KASAIR

All that Quari said last night was true. He was right and I knewfor a fact that I needed to get my shit together and handle this before it got out of hand. I had to stop trying to move like Mazzier did and move like myself. I was grateful for all that my boy had taught me in these streets but now it’s time for me to handle this shit my way. Last night I didn’t sleep at all because I had too much on my mind. This morning when I left Mecca’s bed I did something I probably should’ve done a while ago. As much as I liked to say not having my mama in my life didn’t affect me, it did. The way I looked at the world and how I carried myself was affected. I was just another nigga in denial with mommy issues. Since that day, Gotti handed me her information that the card had been burning the inside of my pocket. I mean hell yeah I could’ve taken it out of my pocket, but I didn’t. I kept it there and pulled it out from time to time to just look and make sure it was real. Unlike any other day, today I needed some type of closure that I had never craved. So here I was, walking into the diner that I had agreed to meet her at. I wasn’t shocked that she was sitting there early. Something didn’t change. Seconds later, I took a seat in front of her and I just looked at her. I wanted to be anything but angry with her but I couldn’t. I head to hear her out, to weigh out if her idea of leaving me with him even meant anything.

“I’m sorry.” She started this conversation off with dread filled eyes and an apology like it could do anything for me at this age. All it did was make me swallow hard and wait for the next couple of words to exit her small aged lips.

“I won’t sit here and make any excuses as to why I left you there, but I had no choice. I don’t know if you remember back then, but that night we were arguing and I threatened to leave like I had done over a thousand times. This time was different. I meant it because he just used to get so angry.” Tears began to fall from her eyes, but I couldn’t comfort her. something in me just couldn’t. “I love you, Kasair. I always have and I always willbut had I stayed, he would’ve killed me. I couldn’t keep going through that.”

Somehow I found my voice. “And what do you think he put me through?” I asked.

She didn’t respond, or I didn’t give her the chance to because I was already leaving. I thought about the closure, and maybe I did but this wasn’t it. I thought I was but I wasn’t trying to hear what she was saying because it all registered as bullshit in my brain. She left because he could’ve killed her, but what about me? He could’ve killed me too, and I couldn’t understand how it was so easy for her to pick up and leave me. Seeing that she started a new family hurt worse than anything. I guess I felt like she replaced me when I could’ve never done that to her.

“How did it go?” Mecca asked as soon as I walked back into the house.

“It didn’t, I left.” I glanced over at her as she was folding the couch throw. I took a seat and put my head in my hands.

“Why? You want me to slap her old ass?” She took a seat in front of me on the wooden table. I could feel her peering at me, waiting on my answer.

“Nah it ain’t that, I just didn’t need her explanation like I thought I needed it. Hearing anything that she needed to say wouldn’t do shit for me because I couldn’t get her logic. She said if she would’ve stayed it would’ve killed her. But what about me, Mec? Did she give a fuck how leaving me with that man would’ve affected me?”

She didn’t respond which prompted me to look up and into her eyes. She looked pissed like she wanted to physically put hands on my mama. Out of nowhere I started laughing. “I ain’t ya kid, Mecca. I’m ya nigga, yeen gotta go fight my battles.”

“Yeen gotta be my kid, when I see you visibly upset that makes me wanna go beat somebody's ass.”

“Glad to see you ‘ont wanna only put them hands on me, but what the fuck am I supposed to say about shit like this?” I asked. My mind was still on my mother.

“Nothing because it doesn’t deserve energy. As much as I’d like to put hands on your mom, I think one day you guys will actually have that talk. Right now you weren’t ready and that’s understandable.”

I looked up at her and nodded, before pulling her onto my lap. Regardless of what she was saying, I was gonna internalize this shit before I mentally dealt with it. it was a me thing and she knew that shit already. Seconds later, I rested my hand on her stomach. “How is my son treating you?”

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