Page 60 of He Thugged Me First

“Understood and I accept that nothing will pan out the way I want it to, but it doesn’t make anything hurt any less. I guess I was too quick to trust him. Too quick to give in to the good feeling he gave me.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up for being human. Humans are created to love and be loved, so of course you sought out what you thought was pure. Correction, what you felt was pure.”

“But it wasn’t.” I felt the punch to the gut the moment I said those words.

“You don’t know that either.”

Immediately I opened my eyes and snapped my neck toward her. I hoped to god she didn’t say any Nadeen shit to me because I didn’t know how I’d react.

“Breathe. I make no excuses for Mazzier, but you see another thing that humans tend to do is self-sabotage. Of course we all know right from wrong, well most of us. The thing is sometimes people with past trauma and issues tend to subconsciously make decisions that they know aren’t right. You see people with these issues tend to do things out of destruction of their own happiness.”

I just looked at her while she spoke. I couldn’t respond because I got everything that she said, but what the hell was I supposed to do with that? Was I supposed to call him and accept him back with open arms?Nope!I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. Self-sabotage or whatever the hell you called it had nothing to do with me. He didn’t deserve me and that was that, so I had to get over all this hurt bae shit and get it together. Nobody could fix me but me.

After I left that meeting with her, I ended up going into work. I needed to get the file of the house I was touring today. I had just recently decided that I no longer wanted to live in a condo, and now I was house shopping. It was pretty exciting, especially because I felt like I was putting together my dream space.

When I walked in the door, I was definitely surprised to see my grandmother sitting in the waiting room. I walked over to her, and she stood to meet me.

“About time you got your narrow tale here. Where have you been?” she asked with her hand on her hip.

“Out, what are you doing here and why didn’t you have them allow you to wait in my office?”

She screwed up her face and waved me off as we walked to my office. It took us less than thirty seconds to get to my office before we stepped in. When we walked in, I pulled out a chair for her to take a seat, but she refused. She was a stubborn old woman.

“He hurt you deep this time, huh?” She looked at me like only she could and I felt the tears at my lids. I didn’t plan on crying today or every again, but this five-foot-one frail old woman saw right through me.

I pursed my lips and nodded my head before folding my arms. “That obvious?”

“No but you my baby, I felt it and ya big mouth fat knee sister told me. Somebody gotta tell me where I went wrong with that child there because I wanted to throw the Pepsi at her.”

That brought a smile to my face. She always could.

“Damaged people have no choice but to damage other people. It’s how they raised, baby. I just don’t want you walking around here in the world damaging other folks because you were damaged. You’re meant to be a light.” She walked over to me and reached up putting her small aged hands against my face.

I nodded looking down at her as the forbidden tears streamed down my face.

“It’s alright to cry, just don’t let that nigga see you cry. I wish you would’ve bricked him back when I told ya to.” She shook her head.

I laughed through my tears as she finally took a seat like I knew she would.

“Did you have an appointment today?” I asked.

“No, I had Mecca bring me here. That’s my other baby, did you know she was having a baby?” she asked with surprise in her eyes. She was truthfully happy and full of joy about it.

“Yes, granny I did.” I laughed.

“Well then, why yeen tell me?” She screwed up her face.

I shrugged. “Wasn’t my business to tell.”

“Well that is ya sister in law.” She looked me square in the eye.

I threw my head back and narrowed my eyes looking at her old ass.

She pointed at me before she spoke, “you gonna forgive him, but next time you gonna bust that bastard right in the back of his skull. He’ll get it straight after you give ‘em a concussion with those bloody shoes.”

“Bloody shoes? Granny what are you?—”

“That loud mouth girl on tv says she wears bloody bottoms.” She shrugged her shoulders.

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