Page 54 of He Thugged Me First

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and looked at him. I hated when he or Mazzier told me they didn’t want me to worry my head. Just because somebody told you not to worry didn’t mean you wouldn’t worry. I glared over at him before nodding my head. He knew I was only letting it go for now, that I’d be back on the subject later very soon.

“Sorry Sir, the visiting hours are over. You’re gonna have to leave.”

I looked up and toward the door where a nurse stood. she was looking from me to Kasair.

He didn’t move.

“Sir.” She demanded.

“He’s fine.” A familiar voice sounded.

I looked up and it was Gauze. She stepped into my room and grabbed my clipboard.

“Damn sis, yeen speaking?” Kasair spoke, breaking her thoughts.

She giggled a little. “My bad, hey. Mecca have they been in to bring you dinner? You have to eat something.” She scolded me.

I laughed at her lecture. “No offense, but the food here sucks and I can’t keep anything down.”

She shook her head with a smile.

“I’ll be right back, let me take this.” Kasair excused himself from the room as he stood. “Eat the fucking food Mecca.”

I caught his mug before he left the room, then my eyes fell on Gauze. She looked tired and her glow had died down, I knew that probably had something to do with my brother and I hated it. Men always fucked up a good thing, and women were always hurt behind it. “I wouldn’t be mad if you stabbed him. I wanted to when he told me.” I was never one to bite my tongue or hold anything.

She looked up at me and the small frown on her face became a smile. It was forced. “It wouldn’t make it hurt any less.” She shrugged.

“I don’t know about you, but every time stabbed, teased or hit Kasair with my car, I felt a little better. I mean that was until I got home and had to think about the shit going in my heart, so I understand.”

She nodded.

“These niggas don’t deserve us sis.” I sat back rubbing my nonexistent belly. I guess I had made total peace with the idea of being a worrying mother.

“Fuck that, you ‘ont deserve me while you in here tryna be cute. What y’all got to eat in here, G?”

“What’snext spoiled ass girl? You want me to fluff your pillows too?” Kasair asked, mugging me from across the room.

“Um, that would be nice, they’re a little lumpy.” I only said yes because he was being sarcastic. We had just left the hospital and I was exhausted. The OB was worried about my blood pressure, but said we’d monitor it and scheduled for me to come back in later on this week.

He sucked his teeth before walking over to grab the pillows and fluff them, but I stopped him and grabbed his hands pulling him toward me. “I don’t really want that, what I want is for you to tell me what happened that has been weighing on you.”

He looked me over before taking a seat on the side of the bed. After a few moments, I realized he wasn’t looking at me. He was in his head and biting the skin on his bottom lip. He always did that when he had a lot on his mind.

“Kasair.”

“She ain’t dead. All those years, I told myself she died and that’s why she never came back for me.”

Immediately I knew he was talking about his mother. He didn’t talk about her often, and when he did it was always brief.

“One minute I’m watching Quari and this nigga, Gotti is spilling his guts. Then the next I heard her voice and I looked up and there she was. In that moment I felt like a fucking kid and all I could do was look at her.”

I looked at him and I wanted to comfort him, so I did. I pulled him into me. I didn’t know how he felt, but whatever it was had me wanting to be whatever I could to take away the ill feelings he had away. “What did she say?”

“I mean what could she say. She just looked at me and I could tell she was shocked and hadn’t planned on looking at me ever again. I could see it in her face that she wanted to explain whatever her reasons were to me, but I didn’t want to hear it. What could she say that would take it away all away?”

“Nothing. Do you want to talk to her?” I had to ask because the pain I felt coursing through him was raw.

“Nah, when I needed her she wasn’t there. I don’t need her old ass now.”

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