Page 43 of He Thugged Me First

In reality, he didn’t, but I talked him into being my number two just like I was to Mazz at points. In order for our shit to flow and run smooth, I needed to have a nigga that I trusted that was just as strong as I was out here. I didn’t trust many, and the only niggas I trusted like that stood in this room.

“It is that hard, Quar.” Mazz shook his head. I could see he was worried about us, but we had it. My boy Quari just had to take his hands off the trigger.

She was life.I mean the exact reason my world turned every day. She was the matter behind my rage because all I could think of was what if she had taken one of those bullets. The streets would be red, and there would be no amount of talking that could input sense into me. Mecca was probably the only being or thing in this world that could and would send me there. I watched her peer at her phone like she always did some days, and I couldn’t help but admire her. She was everything that I never knew I needed or wanted. We had been at this dance for years, and for years, I was in nothing but denial. Now it was different. Now, I accepted that my heart belonged to her, and my mind was at her mercy. I could tell that those shots had scared her, but she wouldn’t tell me. She was the type to hold shit in and let it explode at the wrong damn minute.

“You told that nigga it was done yet?” I glanced from my food at her as she scrolled through her phone. We were eating homemade flatbread pizza that she’d made. She liked to get those recipes and shit off Pinterest and try them.

She stopped scrolling through her phone and glared at me. “The man isn’t even in Chicago. He ain’t stunting me.”

I shrugged. “See, that’s where you got it fucked up. You’re gonna get that nigga shot if he comes back here with expectations.”

“You gonna shoot the man because he has expectations?” she asked with one of those big, goofy ass smiles plastered on her face.

“Nah. Because he has expectations that involve you. That’s why I’mma shoot the nigga.”

She laughed. “What the hell am I going to do with you?”

I shook my head. “Let me fuck, then?—”

She glared at me. “Really, Kasair?”

“Hell yeah. What are you talking about really for?” I mugged her fine ass. She knew I liked when she pulled her hair back intoa ponytail to the back. She let that shit flow down her back while her beautiful ass face was on full display. “Yo’ funky feet ass is beautiful.” I licked my lips.

She giggled. “My feet don’t stink, and you need to finish your food.”

“If I do, you gonna let me lick the box?”

With a smile on her face, she nodded her head up and down.

Quari

Most days I was good, but today, I was great. I couldn’t help but question the God that everybody referred to. I halfway believed in him because there had to be a higher power up there, right? But then again, who really knows, right? Nobody credible had died and came back telling us about him. Then again, there had to be somebody up there, because after all I’d done in this world, karma hadn’t caught up with me. I had been putting people out of their joy or misery since I was a preteen, and all I could do was question what I was. Most days, I wondered why I was able to walk this earth and be here when I didn’t spare a soul, even if it was for a good price. Who was I to play God, even though I had been paid to do such? The way I made peace with it was that every day somebody was born, so the world needed space. God wasn’t keeping count, right? He couldn’t have been. His creations were flawed, and nobody was perfect, but her. She had to be put here as my punishment, right? I loved Love so much and worked day in and out to make sure my life never tainted her because she was the purest thing in my life. She spread light and positivity into the darkest corners of my brain. At first, I didn’t know what to do, because I knew for sure whomever was above couldn’t have sent me her. I wasn’t meant to bask in her. I wasn’t meant to love her because I myself was tainted. The thing is, the moment I laid eyes on her, I felt themagnetic pull that kept her near. Love was Love, and I accepted that. I also accepted that for the rest of my life, I’d be protecting her from me.

“Love, put the fucking dress on. We gotta go.” I stood at the stove making her spoiled ass pancakes so we could be out the door to her doctor’s appointment. Today I would possibly be able to know if I could hang the guns up for good or shine them periodically and keep my aim on point. I was praying to the man above that I got a son, because if my daughter looked anything like her mom, I was going the fuck to jail. The fucked-up thing was that I didn’t take any of this into account before I put in time to make this baby. If I had a daughter, I was praying that my baby girl got an ugly gene from somewhere, but then I was still going to jail. I didn’t want niggas picking on my daughter or tryna hit on her. I just knew if we found out today, I was gonna be pissed.

“How do you criticize everything I walk out of the room in, but you wanna rush me?” Love turned the corner into the kitchen with a mug.

I laughed because she rarely mugged me.

“Because all ya clothes are tight as fuck. What you tryna do, get me a case early?”

She giggled.

“You’re laughing, but I’m dead ass serious. Now eat this nasty ass pancake.” I flipped her banana pancake onto the plate. After applying some butter to it, I put a fork on her plate and sat her food on the island. When she took a seat at the island and started to eat, I started to clean up after myself. I wasn’t the type of nigga to cook or none of that. Hell, the only thing I knew how to cook was that bullshit and Ramen noodles. The only reason I knew how to make that was because when we first started dating, as she called it, we went to this couples’ breakfast class. She loved shit like that, so I did it for her. The thing is, the onlything I learned was the flavored pancake shit. In my opinion, it was the easiest.

It took us entirely too damn long to get out of the house, but Love was full for the time being, so we rushed to the doctor’s appointment that was right up the street. I couldn’t understand how we were always late, but at this point, I was blaming her. She had changed about five times.

“Nah.You don’t look fat. You slim-thick, baby.” I glanced up from my phone at Love. She had me in this fucking store for hours. I mean, how long did it take to get maternity clothes? Matter fact, she refused to buy them. Instead, she was just buying clothes larger. At first, watching her whine about the sizes not being there was funny, but now I was ready to go home. I fucked up when I told her that she could have my whole day. That meant we were about to eat like five times and have all these emotional ass conversations. Baby had already asked me why I was with her three times. Her hormones were all over the fucking place, giving a nigga all types of whiplash.

“Stop acting all uninterested. You’re the one who wanted a baby.” My sister mugged me from the other side of the sofa.

“Mind yo’ business, Gina. You are the reason we are here.” I mugged her.

“How? You’re the one who told her that her jeans were cutting off her circulation. Women are very sensitive around this time.” My sister laughed and went back to focusing on her phone. “So what are we having?”

“Still don’t know. The little nigga is stubborn.” I shook my head, thinking about the epic failure at the doctor’s appointment.

“Sounds exactly like somebody I know.” She cut her eyes at me.

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