Page 80 of Love me Like XO

By the time my sister and I left our grandmother’s house, it was late as hell. Then to make matters worse she wanted some snacks and I needed gas. My car had been at my grandmother’s place for so long that I forgot that I was nearly on E. I hated to be stopping so late, but if I didn’t we’d be pushing. Of course we wouldn’t get far with a pregnant cripple and my little ass. That also meant we didn’t have toGoPuffwhen we got to the house. She got snacks and I got a big ass slurpy plus some gas. When she saw mine of course she wanted one, so I went back in and grabbed it for her. By the time I made it back to the car she had this faraway look in her eyes, like I had interrupted a daydream, or she’d seen a ghost. I knew my sister was healing physically from what happened, but she didn’t talk about itmuch. Whenever it seemed like she wanted to go in depth or even discuss how it made her feel she kind of shut down.

“You wanna tell me what’s up?” I asked after I finally pulled off.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this. The lost look in your eyes when you’re staring into space. The quiet moments when you get so stuck in your head that you forget anybody else is in the room with you. It happened like three times tonight. Three times where you were thin?—”

“Death.”

“Death like what? Whose death?” I found myself asking not knowing if I wanted the answer to her question. I get it she had gone through a traumatic experience. Most people who endured her trauma didn’t make it out.

“My own. I almost died, Ree. It’s hard for me not to think about it. It’s extremely hard for me not to think about that moment when I felt trapped in a state between life and death. It’s even harder for me to not feel stuck in that place now when all I have to do is sit in the house and watch life go on.”

“But you made it, Em. I can’t stress that enough, but I also don’t know how you feel. I have no idea, and neither does anyone else. All I can do is be here for you and tell you that you don’t have to be so strong. You have a whole ass support system ready and willing to pick up whatever you need. I’m here. Zero is here. Irish is here. Big Mama is here. Rev is Rev, but he too is here.” I had to throw that last part in there to get a laugh out of her. Mission accomplished, because within seconds she was cackling.

“I hear you.”

“Good because it wasn’t your time.” Then I put my hand in her small midsection, “and theirs either.”

When we made it to Zero’s place I was good and tired, and so was she. After she showed me what room Malik claimed was his,she retreated to Zero’s bedroom leaving me to my thoughts. Our conversation in the car had me making a mental note to keep my eyes on her a little more. It wasn’t that I think she’d harm herself, but the complete opposite. I knew my sister, she could carry some shit inside for so long that it would send her into a depression. We didn’t need that, shit she didn’t. She had to be her healthiest self, not only because she deserved it, but because of those babies in her gut.

The moment Malikwalked in the bedroom, his eyes were on me and I could no longer focus on what I was watching. Something about how high he was in conjunction with how much I missed him when he left earlier had me ready to bend over and touch my toes. Shit, who am I kidding? Every time I looked at him I wanted to do that amongst other things.

“Yo, stop looking at me like that. It’s late as fuck and I’m tired.” He mugged me while stripping from his street clothes.

“So tired that you’re passing pussy? Nigga gotta be tired as fuck, huh?” I poked fun at him.

He faked a laugh, before snatching the cover from my body. “Glad you think you’re a fucking comedian, wait until I wake you up in the morning.”

That statement shut me up as he dropped the covers and went over to turn off the lights. Pitch black in the room, I couldn’t help but look around. It wasn’t like I could see anything, but I was looking for some indication of where in this room he was.

“Damn sure ain’t said shit, huh? You already know I’ma break yo’ fucking back in,” he said and at the same time a gust of wind felt like it attacked my exposed body parts. It didbecause for the second time since he got here he had lifted the cover to climb into bed. This time he climbed into bed though, because within seconds I felt his massive hand pulling me into his embrace. Then when I was where he wanted me to be, he mashed his lips against my forehead. “Tell me about yo’ day while I fall asleep.”

“As if you don’t know. You dropped me off.”

He chuckled tiredly. “Didn’t mean to. Shit got hectic. How was my baby anyways?”

Mugging thin air I attempted to escape his embrace, but sadly I wasn’t going anywhere while he laughed. He called my grandmother his baby when he was trying to get under my skin. It was his go to. “Get off me.”

“Nope. Now deal with it. Did you get me a plate?”

“Besides wondering where you and Zero slipped off to, she was fine. Then when Em and I were trying to get out of there it was like she started handing out lectures for free. True shit, but a few things I wasn’t really trying to hear.”

“Like what?”

I screwed my face up because I had set myself up for this one.Was I ready to have the L-word conversation with him? Maybe not.

“Well for starters my mother has been calling her for updates on me. That’s hard to believe because within the last month she has probably only attempted to contact me twice. Shit I speak to Sisley at least once a week.”

“Hmph. What did your grandmother say?” He already knew who Sisley was, because I was in the car with him recently when she called me begging for money to buy a Plan B. It was the absolute wrong time for me to be answering my phone on speaker.

Sisley was nineteen and in college. The half-sister who wanted a relationship with me even though I didn’t have onewith our mother or her father. Funny enough she even tried to claim Empress as her sister, but Em was Em. She wouldn’t answer the phone for a soul if it was up to her. I meant that shit literally too. I’ve been around Empress when she danced to the beat of the phone ring. Bitch was horrible, but Sisley was young and took it to the heart even though I told her not to.

“That I only get one mother basically and I should accept her for who she is. I do though, believe me I do, but I’m not in the business of kissing ass and begging people to love me.”

“I’m with you when you’re right, shorty. What else did Grams talk about?” he asked, way too interested to see what we were talking about.

“Love and you.”

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