Page 14 of Wicked Riddles & Bitter Heartbeats

I take a seat at the table and wait for my father to be brought into the visiting room. It’s been a few months since I’ve been here—at his request. He hates seeing me here. Or, really, it’s that he hates me seeing him like this. Though he’s told me he doesn’t regret what he did, he does feel bad for what it’s done to me. I don’t have the heart to tell him that I have nothing but love for him and appreciation for what he did for me. He killed people to protect me, even if those people’s threats weren’t aimed directly at me. It was all for me. He feeds my narcissistic ego. I’m pretty sure that’s what I am. I don’t know though… maybe I’m just fucked up with something that doesn’t have a label.

When he comes through the door, he gives me a big smile and holds my gaze while the officer undoes the cuffs and sets himfree. The moment he’s free, he walks straight to me and pulls me into a hug. Holding me tightly, he rocks us back and forth. It feels so good to be in his arms. On the ride here, I wasn’t sure he’d even see me—last time I came, he asked me not to come again.

“I’ve missed you, Lils.”

“Missed you too, Daddy.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” the guard shouts. He’s a big guy. Tall and overweight, but with some muscle. I hold my father for another second before pulling away.

We sit at the table, across from one another, with the guard standing a few feet behind him. It’s just us in the room, and it’s only been the last two years that we have been able to meet in the same room. The first few years, there was glass between us and we spoke on a phone.

“How are you doing?” I ask.

He keeps smiling at me. “As good as can be. How are you?”

“Not great,” I say carefully, holding his gaze. Understanding flashes in his eyes. He knows there’s more I have to say.

My father and I always had a close connection. Everything they said in the papers about him was wrong. At least, the stuff to do with me. Not once did he ever touch me inappropriately, and though there were times he said some crazy things and tried to get me to do crazy things, he never harmed me. I never knew about the people he kept in the basement. I never knew he killed anyone. When it all came out, it was as much a shock to me as it was to everyone else.

He loved me and did everything in his power to protect me. We were as close as a father and daughter could be. Our relationship was as normal as it could be for people like us. But sometimes, I felt like we shared a brain. Similar to the way twins are said to have the same thoughts as the another.

“What’s going on? Do you need money or something?” he asks.

“No, nothing like that.” I shake my head and take a breath. I prepared for this conversation the entire ride here. I have to do this right if I want it to be believable. All of his visits are recorded, and I’m going to use that to my advantage. “I finally broke up with that guy I was dating. Remember the one who wasn’t so nice to me?”

I blink a few times, holding his blue eyes that match mine perfectly. He has to get what I’m saying, right? We’ve always been on the same page, and though he never outright said he would take a murder charge for me—he will, right?

Yeah, he will. He’d do anything for me.

“Oh, I remember, Lils.” His tone is stern, a dark look in his eye. “I remember very well. It’s a good thing you finally left him.” He winks, and I smile in relief.

“It took a while because I was scared, but I met someone who helped me get the courage to do it. He’s so nice to me. Treats me really well, too.”

“This makes me so happy. All I have in this place are memories of us, and hope that you’re out there living your life to the fullest.” His hand shifts like he wants to reach for me, but they don’t allow that, so he presses his palms flat to the table and huffs. “I think about you all the time.”

“Me too, Daddy. Things are going to be really good now. I just know it.”

His smile is exactly as I remember it, only his face is a little thinner and the lines around his eyes a little deeper. My father is a handsome guy, but being in prison has taken a toll on him.

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Lilah. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do.” I reach for his hand but pull it back.Stupid rule.It’s so hard to stop from touching him. We can hug when we see each other, but that’s it. No handholding, and no hugging when he leaves. I hate it.

“I would do anything for you, just remember that.Anything.I’m sorry things turned out this way for you. I’ll do my time here on Earth and be judged in the next life for my wrongdoings.”

“I know, Daddy. I know that.”

I smile, hoping he understands that not a single part of me is angry over what he did. We never got the time to talk about it, and I wish we had. When I try to now, he changes the subject. Even when I tell him it’s okay and I want to, he puts a stop to it, so I respect his wishes, and let it go.

“Are you sure you’re okay now? There’s nothing I need to worry about?” he asks, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“Nothing. Promise. Everything is great. Atticus has made sure of it.”

“Have you spoken to your ex at all? Has he bothered you?” His words are careful, and I go along with it, hoping he gets this.

I’m not giving much, I understand that. But I can’t have it interpreted that I’m feeding him info, even though it’s what I’m doing. Which is why I’m relying on us thinking the same way. If he catches wind that my ex was murdered, he will put two and two together. He’s smart like that.

“Not since I left,” I say.

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