Page 28 of College Town

Immutable facts, all. Facts that Lawson will have to live with.

He thinks maybe he can. Maybe tonight was something like closure.

(It wasn’t, not really. He still doesn’tunderstandanything…save the fact that Tommy doesn’t want him, and likely never did.)

“You’re back early,” Mom says when he walks in the back door. “I thought you were getting drinks?”

She stands at the counter, knife poised above a carrot, a bowl of them to the side. She’s gotten very into meal prep, lately.

“One drink, singular.” Lawson goes to the sink to wash his hands, pulls another knife from the block, and joins her. There’s celery, too, and three fat white onions. He picks one up and starts pulling off its papery skin. “And it wasn’t exactly a…friendly environment, we’ll say.”

“Where’d you go?” He can hear the frown in her voice. “Did you and Dana have words?”

“I went to Flanagan’s.”

“Flanagan’s?”

“And I wasn’t with Dana.”

“Oh.” The knife goesthwok,thwok,thwokthrough the carrots as she mulls that over, and Lawson braces himself, cringing internally. “Oh!” she says, hands stilling. “Was it…did you…were you on a date?”

Coming out to his parents – a terrifying possibility when he was ten – had ended up being a non-event. No one had ever been quite so heartbroken over a friend moving away, especially not one with a best friend since babyhood like Lawson. The day he found the For Sale sign in the front yard of the Cattaneo’s empty house, he skipped school and played sick. But when his mom got home from work, and found him a puffy-faced, red-eyed, snot-encrusted wreck beneath his covers, still crying though he’d grown dehydrated long before and had no tears left, she rubbed his back and murmured, “I know it hurts, baby.”

Startled, he looked at her, and her smile was small, and sad for him, and understanding in a way that left him squirming. They hadn’t talked about it, after, but as the years ticked by, she would occasionally drop little hints: “There’s the nicest young man who’s started working down at the nursery. He helped me with my potting soil today.”

Or: “You know my friend Phyllis? Well, she has a nephew your age who just moved into town.”

And once, when he was twenty-five, mortifyingly: “You know, they make dating apps for all sorts of people these days. Have you thought about signing up for one of those?”

“Mom.”

His conversations with his father had been even vaguer. A tight, uncertain, but hopeful smile, and a general declaration: “I want you to be happy, son. Are you happy?”

“Sure, Pop.”

Now, standing at the counter beside his mother, he slices the onion neatly in half and barks a laugh. “No. It definitely wasn’t a date.”

“Oh. Well.” Does she sound disappointed? “If you’re interested in finding a date, I know–”

“Mom,” he says, gently, turning to her. The pendant light above them paints their section of kitchen a too-bright yellow-white, and he wonders when her face became so lined. He feels old, suddenly, and fearful because his mother is even older, and his father is…

No. No, don’t think of that. But he does think of it, periodically throughout each day. And he thinks about the fact that his parents won’t be around forever, and he’ll still be here, rattling around in their house, alone. Dana will still try to include him, but she’ll be married, and she’ll have children, and it won’t be the same. And what will he have? Phone calls, occasional wine nights, and memories that hurt more than they help?

He meant to tell herno, I don’t want a date. But instead, he forces a smile, and says, “Did you have someone in mind?”

He’s never said that before. Her face lights up, and she puts the carrot and knife down to go to her phone, wiping he hands on her apron. “Yes! I know just the fella. He’s really kind, and a good listener. He’s my friend Sheila’s son, and he’s…”

Lawson smiles to himself, watching her flutter and scroll and then jot down a number with a bubbliness he hasn’t seen in a long time. Even if the date is a total bust, it’ll be worth going to see her like this.

And who knows: maybe if he actually tries for once, he won’t stay stuck in the past forever. The past, after all, moved on without him long ago.

~*~

The next morning proves blessedly uneventful. Dana doesn’t come by, and he didn’t tell her he was meeting Tommy so she doesn’t text either beyond a few memes that he responds to with cry-laughing emojis.

Kyle the Tyrant has a dentist appointment that runs long, so it’s just Lawson, Jen, and Melissa on duty, his favorite combination. Jen made double chocolate chunk cookies, and Melissa’s tossing the leftover chocolate chips into his mouth from five feet away during a lull in the morning rush.

“Go deep,” Melissa calls, and then tosses before he’s ready.

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