Page 45 of Lone Star

“Jen,” he said, not in the mood for teasing.

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” She rolled her eyes, and then got serious. “I don’t thinksoftis fair. You’ve always been…” She hesitated, shrinking down in her chair a little, voice going self-conscious. “Good to the people you care about. You’re a sweetheart a lot of the time. When you’re not punching people’s heads off.”

He couldn’t help a little smile, and she smiled back.

“But you love big. You didn’t turn into a pussycat when you got married.”

The relief that washed through him was overwhelming. “I don’t have a history of cooperating with the law,” he said, because he felt like he had to.

She shrugged. “You don’t have a history of being a dumbass, either. You wouldn’t do something just to be stubborn; that’s not your way, Candy. You look at your options, and you make the right decision for the circumstances. Outlaws that run their clubs outta spite and tradition are clubs that don’t last long.”

He stared at her, stunned silent.

“I love Blue, but he’s old school. He’s also not the president. You do what you gotta do, bro. Even if you catch some shit for it.”

Dawn was breaking fast, now, the pink ribbon unfurling, a tapestry of reds, oranges, and bright citrus yellows. The sun threatened, the first brilliant curve rising into view second by second.

“You sound confident,” he said.Confident in me, he meant.

“What can I say,” she said, lightly, “you’ve never let me down.”

And that, he decided, with a new surge of resolve, had to count for something.

~*~

Michelle was in the shower when he went back inside, the jets pounding on the other side of the closed bathroom door. Another day, he would have joined her.

When he started to peek in on TJ, still silent, Jenny said, “I’ll get him if he wakes up,” in that perfect whisper he swore all mothers had perfected. “You go on.”

Colin stood at the coffeemaker, in the process of opening the lid, a pod in his other hand.

“Be quick about it,” Candy said. “Church in ten.”

It was too early – evidenced by Colin’s bleary-eyed protests – but Candy wanted to get everyone first thing, before they’d gotten too sharp and opinionated; while they were receptive, and honest.

He wondered when he’d reached a point when he thought it was necessary to approach his own club this way, but dismissed it. It was what it was, at this point.

He went out to the common room for his own coffee; the drip had already run, and Jinx stood drinking a cup, arms bare despite the chill that penetrated from outside, goosebumps standing out in the pale wash of early light. “Morning,” Candy said as he snagged a mug and reached for the carafe.

Jinx hesitated a fraction of a second too long. “Morning.”

It was going to be a long day, he sensed.

“Church?” Jinx asked.

“Yeah. Tell the others.”

He passed the twins on his way to the chapel, Catcher rubbing his eyes with both fists in an alarmingly normal, human gesture that lent him an air of childlike innocence. Cletus, though, stared like usual. “Church,” Candy told them as he passed, and Catcher nodded, yawning.

The chapel, when he entered, still alone, welcomed him with its own special brand of silence.

Every outlaw clubhouse had a chapel: a scared place whose walls enclosed all their secrets. Half confessional, and half vault, a place of rare honesty. Brothers didn’t lie to brothers in the chapel; the things discussed here, the decisions voted on, were sacred.

He set his coffee down at the head of the table, at his usual seat, gaze moving down the long plank top, its ash trays clean and ready in the center, its finish scratched and dented and discolored from years of hard use.

Blue’s words haunted him – had been haunting him.Used to be…Washe so different, now? Soft? Stupid?

The door opened, and he pushed those thoughts away.

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