Page 33 of Golden Eagle

“How long have you not seen me as a brother?”

Nik didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. He did blink, at least. As the tension stretched tight as fraying rope. Then: “Never.”

If there wasn’t a saying about finally hearing what you wanted, and not being able to believe it, there should have been. Sasha closed his eyes, and felt the wet heat of threatening tears. “Don’t…” His breath came out in quick stutters.

“Sashka–” He heard Nik take a step forward.

He held up a hand to stop him. “No. You said – you said you like it when I’m happy. Don’t say those things now just to make me happy. Not if you don’t mean them. I can’t – I can’t take that. If you want to talk, make it fast.”

Nik came forward anyway, and two hands closed around Sasha’s own hand, the texture of the skin the most familiar thing in his whole long life.

“Sasha. Look at me. Please.”

When Sasha opened his eyes, his best friend’s face was etched with heartbreak. His eyes shone unnaturally, bright flares like a gas stove.

His voice cracked. “I’m not saying it just to make you happy. If it does, that’s just a wonderful bonus.”

Sasha stared at him.

Nik let go of his hand – only to reach up and cup his face with both hands, delicately, like he held something precious. He was shaking, but his gaze didn’t waver. “I have wanted you since Ivan dragged you into your mother’s kitchen by the scruff of your neck.”

Sasha gasped.

“I have loved you since you looked up at me from that awful metal table, where I let them–” He gritted his teeth, and fought off a hard shiver. “Where I let them hurt you. And I’ve been very stupid, for a very long time, for not telling you before now.”

It was an effort to swallow; to make his throat work. “Why – why didn’t you?”

Nikita tipped forward, until their foreheads were pressed together, like this morning. “Because it was 1942. And it was Russia. And I was afraid,” he admitted, brokenly. “And I didn’t know if you…” He trailed off, the fear evident in his voice.

Sasha reached for him, then; took two tight handfuls of his shirt and pulled him in even closer. “I do. I have.”

They breathed a moment, ragged and open-mouthed.

“Katya,” Sasha said.

Nikita made a low sound in his throat.

“You loved her.”

“I did. But you are my whole heart.”

The words swept over him, a revelation. His grip tightened; Sasha felt his blunt human nails sharpen to the beginnings of claws, pricking through Nik’s shirt.

“I love you so much, my Sashka.” Nik pulled back, just far enough that their gazes could meet; eyes still glowing, tips of his fangs showing, breath warm over Sasha’s face. He vibrated with intensity. “I’minlove with you.” And it wasn’t just hunger and earnest love shining in his eyes, but fear, too. He was terrified; quivering with it. Afraid, now that he’d stripped himself bare, that Sasha might not feel the same.

Me too, me too, Sasha wanted to tell him. So full of doubt and fear, dogged by the prejudices of the last century, terrified to risk damaging the most important thing he had.I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve wanted to say it so long…

But he didn’t have words at the moment, the wolf pressed right up close to his skin, glad and howling. So he slipped his arms around Nikita, hugged him tight, chest-to-chest, and pressed his face into his neck with a low whine. He wanted…so much…but right now, all he wanted was to hold and be held.

Nik hugged him back, warm, uneven breath rustling through his hair.

They stood like that for a long moment, until Sasha felt both their heartbeats slow. The adrenaline rush of the admission faded – but in a good way. They were still them, still close; still the most important being in one another’s lives. There had always been love.

You’re my whole heartchanged things. Wonderfully. Sasha could have burst with happiness. But he didn’t feel frantic anymore. Didn’t want to grip and hold and plead. This, now, simple touch, was enough.

Nik took a deep breath, his chest swelling against Sasha’s. “I still want to talk.”

Sasha chuckled. “You never want to talk, ever, and now you tell me that, and we have to talk instead of kiss.” He was only partly teasing.

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