Page 4 of Shaman

It was selfish to have kept him on the hook this long.

“Ian,” Alec said, softly, once the plane was in the air.

Ian turned to him, and found him looking heartbreakingly hopeful. So sweet, his emotions writ clear on his face. He’d never been chained, never been beaten, or drugged, or forced to do anything. Innocent and untainted.

“I’m really excited we’re taking this trip,” Alec said, hushed, like a confession. His smile was crooked. “I’ve always wanted to see New York, and…and…”

“Hmm?”

“I think it’ll be good for us.” Just a whisper now, smile fading, hope shining in his eyes. “It will be, won’t it?”Please, his gaze begged.Talk to me, kiss me, love me.

Ian couldn’t take a deep breath. His voice came out unsteady. “I’m sure it will be, darling.”

Alec smiled, bright as the sun.

What is love?Something Ian didn’t deserve from someone so precious.

~*~

He’d booked two suites at the Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park, one for the two of them, and one for Bruce and the two other security personnel they’d brought. It was an expectedly gorgeous hotel, their rooms done in expensive shades of cream and gold, the drapes parted at the wide windows to reveal a stunning view of Central Park decked out in autumn foliage. It was nothing Ian hadn’t seen before, but Alec was awestruck, staring open-mouthed with wonder at the vista spread before them, breath fogging the window.

“Oh my God,” he murmured. “This is…oh my God.”

“A little more impressive than home, yes?” Ian asked as he draped his coat over the back of a chair.

“Um, yeah!” Alec spun to face him, cheeks still pink from the nip in the air outside, eyes wide and dazzled behind the lenses of his glasses. His smile was brighter than any of the expensive finishes in the room. “It’s incredible! Did you see the bar downstairs?”

Ian found himself biting back a chuckle. Alec’s mood was infectious when he got like this. “Yes. Would you like to have a drink there this evening?”

“Oh. Well, nothing too expensive,” he hedged, though the way he bit his lip screamedyes!

Ian did chuckle this time. He definitely didn’t deserve this man, but it was damn hard in moments like these to keep himself at arm’s length. “Darling, I’m a millionaire several times over. Expensive isn’t an issue.”

Alec’s smile widened another fraction, and Ian had to look away. He walked to the window, hands in his pockets, letting his gaze move out across the park, its oranges, and yellows, and golds, and reds, willing himself to be sturdier, cooler. This trip wasn’t about smiles, about being dazzled. The end was coming, he could feel it, and he owed Alec one last extravagant gesture. The trip of a lifetime to New York before the poor boy realized it was time to leave.

He started a bit when two slender arms slid around his waist and folded tight across his middle; felt Alec’s front press down the length of his back, breath warm against the side of his neck.

“Thank you,” Alec murmured, voice low and inviting.

Ian turned his head a fraction, felt the tickle of Alec’s hair against his jaw. Oh God, it had been a long time. Too long. And heached, suddenly. “For what?”

“Bringing me with you.” His hands petted across Ian’s flat stomach, teased apart the halves of his suit jacket, palms warm through the fabric of Ian’s shirt.

“It’s just a business trip.”

“It doesn’t have to bejustbusiness.” One hand shifted south, down to Ian’s belt, but paused there when Ian didn’t react. Alec sighed. “Ian. Babe.”

“What?”

“Would youlookat me? Please?”

Ian didn’t want to, because he could already feel his resolve crumbling. It was easier at home, with their daily schedules to worry about, buffered by routine and familiarity. But New York – this gorgeous hotel, the perfect view, the thrill of adventure – was clearly working on Alec, making him bolder, and Ian was ashamed to admit he felt it working on him, too. If he turned around, he was afraid he’d fall, and Alec couldn’t catch him; Alec was the sort who had guns put against his head and was used against Ian. He surely couldn’t open up his arms and prove to be a place to land safely.

“Ian.”

He turned around, slowly, staying within the loose circle of Alec’s arms, and found his lover staring at him with naked hurt and longing on his face. A little fear.

Oh no. He couldn’t do this.

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