Page 16 of Shaman

“I’m sorry,” Mandy whispered, and hurried out.

Ian tried to go after her, at least to make his apologies, hold the door, ask Bruce or one of the other guards next door to see that she got home safely. But Alec held him fast, his grip surprisingly strong around the bones of Ian’s wrist.

His nostrils flared as he inhaled. “What the hell are you trying to pull?”

The door opened and slammed shut out in the main room.

“Fucking answer me!” Alec shouted.

There wasn’t enough air in the room. Ian had been stupid enough to think that somehow this stunt would end with Alec reviving his lust for women…and instead it had become this tense, one-on-one, sexless standoff that he wasn’t ready for.

He couldn’t breathe.

“I thought…”

“Thought what?”

It didn’t just spill, butpunchedits way out of him, like rot leaving a lanced wound. “I thought you could sleep with her. And like it. And see that you’re better off going back to being a straight boy from a good family than staying with me.”

Alec’s face went blank. He blinked a moment. “Youwantedme to sleep with her?”

“Yes.”

“Did you really?”

Ian fought it, but a soft, rough “no” worked its way out.

Alec tugged on his wrist. “Sit down.”

It was more of a collapse, his knees giving and the bed catching him.

Alec pulled his hand into his lap and clasped their palms together. Tears stood in his eyes, but his voice came out surprisingly strong. “Okay. So. If you bringing home random women is any clue, you want me to move on. Message received. My question is: do you want that for your sake, or mine? Because–” his breath hitched “–if you’re bored with me, and you just want to be finished–”

“No.” Ian clutched his hand. “No, that’s not it.”

“I know you’re this too-cool, super rich, elegant…master villain kind of guy–”

“You got that from Ghost.”

One corner of his mouth twitched. “What I’m saying is: don’t feed me one-liners and cut-downs, babe.Talkto me. Please, for the love of God,tellme.”

“You’re…being terribly reasonable about all this.”

Alec’s smile was sad and watery. “I’m trying.”

“Because…”

“Because I love you. Ass. Try for me.”

Ian could only marvel a moment. The drinks made him honest. “You’re unreal. I don’t deserve you.”

“Ian.”

“Right. Right.” He took a deep breath and found that he was shaking all-over, full-body tremors that made it hard to speak. He was terrified. “Here goes.”

And so he told him everything.Everything.

A numbness overtook him. He’d thought that he’d stammer, and blush, and duck his head in shame. And instead, just as it had when he was a part of Miss Carla’s stable, a professional calm stole over him. He was like a spectator to his own recitation, blank-faced and calm, explaining with ever-increasing detail and crassness, not able to react to the horror that bloomed across his lover’s face.

---