Page 126 of Walking Wounded

Hal’s expression crumples and becomes one of concern. “Whoa, hey.” He reaches through the space that separates them and cups Luke’s jaw in one hand. “You don’t have to answer. I’m just fucking around.”

Luke has to force the words past his raw throat. “No, you’re not. Don’t lie about it.”

Hal makes a desperate face. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s just…” He manages to take a deeper breath and feels his lungs expand gratefully. “You’ve had time to think about this. Youhave beenthinking about this. And it’s all sort of a surprise to me. I can’t…” He trails off, afraid his explanation is too insulting. He doesn’t want to hurt Hal, not on purpose.

Hal’s thumb skims across his cheekbone, touches a patch of dampness at the corner of his eye. “It’s too soon, isn’t it? I’m rushing things. I’m sorry. We should try being boyfriends for a little while first.”

Boyfriendssounds woefully inadequate. They’ve shared beds, and comics, and clothes, and secrets, and tragedies together. They’ve shared lives. Labeling themselves as “dating” seems almost like a regression, like taking away their vital connection and replacing it with something more trivial.

Luke curls his hand around Hal’s wrist and feels the strong pulse there. “I’ve spent a lot of years convincing myself that it was wrong to want you like this,” he confesses, “because you being my best friend was too important to screw up with something as stupid as kissing.”

“Kissing’s not stupid,” Hal says, immediately.

“Still.” Luke sends him a brief smile. “I’m kinda stuck in the headspace of not allowing myself to feel this way about you.”

“Oh, sweetheart…” Hal breathes. “I’m sorry. I–”

“Don’t apologize. You don’t have to be sorry for the way you feel…felt…and neither do I, I don’t think. I just…”

“Yeah.”

“I want us to enjoy beingusfor a little while, if that’s okay.”

“We’ve always beenus,” Hal says. “Now we’re just even cooler.”

That draws a real smile out of Luke. Warmth blossoms in his chest; he’s starting to expect that feeling now, as foreign as it is for him to expect good things. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Good. ‘Cause boyfriend or not, I’ll kick your ass if you start ragging on what I’ve got with my best friend.”

“You’re lame,” Luke says. But what he means is:Thank you for understanding that we’reboth. That it’s everything. And that everything is terrifying and beautiful and I need a second to let all of that sink in.

“Yeah, and you love me, so what does that make you?”

Luke throws a halfhearted punch at his face and winds up getting pulled on top of Hal, straddling his stomach and looking down into his face with what he knows is the stupidest, sappiest grin on his face.

“Hey, Hal.”

“Hmm?”

“Just because we aren’t going to do anything about it yet doesn’t mean you can’t still ask.”

Hal’s brows go up. “Yeah?”

“And it doesn’t mean I can’t go ahead and say yes.”

Elation suffuses Hal’s cheeks with a soft pink; it sparks dazzling patterns of light in his eyes. An expression that melts all of Luke’s insides. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” And Luke leans down to kiss him.

~*~

Luke is so used to expectation surpassing the drudgery of reality – he isn’t prepared for reality to be the most electric, perfect, sweet moment of his life. Sex has always been good, necessary even, but it’s never been like this, the way it is with Hal. And Luke spent so much time worrying Hal wasn’t really ready, that he didn’t know what he was getting himself into, that he has no defenses against his own overwhelming reaction.

Hal is relentless, and patient, and focused. He is warm, and strong, and oh-so-gentle. He whispers sweet encouragements in Luke’s ear, and his hands tremble with the violence of his want.

“I want to do everything,” he murmurs, and they do.

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