Page 58 of The Iron Raven

Nyx hesitated. I held my breath, counting my heartbeats, feeling my stomach coil and twist like an agitated snake. The faery’s expression was haunted, fighting an inner battle with herself. Then, without warning, she sat up, shoved me in the chest, and toppled me backward. I hit the ground on my back again, my wrists pinned to the forest floor and her lips pressed against mine.

I groaned, all my nerve endings standing at attention. The Forgotten was not timid; her lips caressed mine a few moments before moving down my neck, making me gasp and arch my head back. I finally freed my hands and slid them up her arms, burying my fingers in her silver hair and pulling her closer. Her palms traced down my chest, slender fingers leaving trails of icy heat, making me shiver where they passed.

Abruptly, the Forgotten sat up, straddling my waist, her hands resting lightly on my stomach. I gazed up at her, watching her hair spill around her shoulders like a silvery veil, her lithe body perched above me. Her expression was hungry but conflicted, golden eyes shadowed as they met mine.

“Nyx.” My voice came out as a whisper. “You okay? Having second thoughts?”

She shook her head, and her voice, when she answered, was barely audible in the stillness. “Just...promise me one thing, Puck. Tell me this doesn’t mean anything to you.”

Stunned, I stared at her, my mind spinning in confusion. Not what I had been expecting, or really wanted to hear. “Is that what you think of me?” I asked. “That this is just a game?”

“We are fey, Puck.” Nyx’s voice was unapologetic. “This is what we do, no emotions, no attachments involved. One night of fun, and we can move on. We can forget it ever happened.”

My stomach clenched. That had been true, once. There had been a time, before I’d met Drysi, when Robin Goodfellow could seduce anything that moved. I knew I was good-looking; by most standards, some might say I’m irresistible. Species, gender, human, fey, it didn’t matter. All I had to do was turn up the charm, put a little smolder in my gaze, and I’d be golden.

But that was the old Robin Goodfellow, the carefree faery without a conscience. I wasn’t like that now. Which meant I hadn’t turned into him completely, that there was still a bit of Puck left inside.

Before I could answer, Nyx closed her eyes, and a tiny shiver went through her. “I shouldn’t be here,” she murmured, making my insides tie themselves into a knot. “I swore I wouldn’t let emotions get in the way of my work again.”

“Again?” I repeated softly, making her wince. “I take it this has happened before?”

“Once,” she began, and sighed. “A long time ago. But since this seems to be the night of confessions...” She shifted off my chest, settling beside me in the dirt with her legs crossed. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly. “I was in love with someone, once,” she murmured. “He died.” She hesitated, looking uncertain and ashamed for the first time I had known her. “By my own hand.”

My mouth went dry. “Nyx. You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”

“No.” The Forgotten raised her head, her face grim. “No, before we go any further, this is something you need to hear. His name was Varyn, and he was a member of my Order, a moon elf like me. We did a few missions together, we killed when we were called upon, and we protected the Lady like all members of the Order. He was utterly loyal to her. We both were. We would’ve given our lives for our queen without hesitation.

“One night,” Nyx went on, “we were returning to court after a successful mission, when were attacked by a...a...” Her brow furrowed. “I don’t remember its name. Which probably means it doesn’t exist anymore. But it was big and fast, and since we were still fighting it when the sun came up, it nearly killed us both. Varyn was badly wounded, and after we finally defeated it, we took shelter in a cave to wait out the sun. And...things happened.

“That was the beginning,” Nyx went on. “After that, we started spending more time together. He was an amazing warrior, like you.” She paused, the faintest of smiles crossing her face. “Though he had a much better sense of humor.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “Impossible. Those are fighting words, I’ll have you know.”

The smile faded. “After a time,” she went on, “it just seemed natural that he was always there, always a part of me. We were each other’s shadows. Where one was, the other wasn’t far, watching from the darkness. We really should have known better.

“I told you the Lady was a jealous ruler,” Nyx continued, and a very uncomfortable prickle ran down my spine as it began to dawn on me where this was going. “After a while, she didn’t approve of me and Varyn spending so much time together. She disliked having our attention and loyalties split. So, one night, she called Varyn before her and told him that his next target...was me.”

I bit my cheek, anger, horror, and sympathy a raging storm in my head. “Damn,” I breathed. “I knew I hated her for a reason. Did he...?”

“Varyn was loyal to his queen to the end.” The Forgotten’s voice was matter-of-fact, though her eyes were faraway, lost in memory. “He tried to end it quickly, but I wasn’t quite ready to die just yet. We fought for nearly the whole night. I pleaded with him to stop, begged him that we could find another way, but he had his orders, and he couldn’t disobey the Lady.

“In the end...” Despite herself, Nyx’s voice trembled. She clenched a fist, taking a breath to compose herself. “In the end, one of us had to die. Varyn was skilled but...I had always been the better killer. It was quick at least. He didn’t suffer. But right before he died, he told me he was sorry, that he loved me but he couldn’t betray the queen. And I understood that.”

Nyx paused, that unruffled mask falling into place again as she glanced up. “I told myself then I wouldn’t make the same mistake,” she said. “Love and emotion...they have no place in the life of an assassin. That’s what I’ve been telling myself ever since I met you. That’s why it would be better if you didn’t feel anything.”

“Too late.” My insides wouldn’t stop twisting around. Carefully, I sat up, bracing myself with one arm, to be eye level with Nyx. Reaching out, I brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, tucking it behind one pointed ear. She gazed at me, looking unexpectedly vulnerable, and my heart gave that weird little flutter I’d felt only a few years ago. “Dammit,” I sighed. “Last time I said something like this, I got burned pretty bad, but... Ican’tsay that this means nothing to me. And if I end up with a sword through my middle, well, that’s a chance I’m willing to take. If you are.”

“This isn’t going to end well.” Nyx eyed me warily but didn’t pull back. “I don’t want to have to kill you, Puck. I don’t want to go through that again.”

I gently put a hand on her cheek, making her blink at me. “I’m not Varyn,” I murmured. “And the Lady isn’t here anymore. No one, Keirran especially, is going to order you to take a life, I can assure you of that. And if it gets to the point where you feel you have to kill me yourself, then I probably deserved it.” I attempted a wry smile that she didn’t return. “This is mostly your fault, you know,” I went on, stroking her skin with my thumb. “You can’t be completely beautiful and funny and amazing and expect me not to notice. I’ll make you a deal, though.”

Surprise and caution flickered across her face. You couldn’t say the wordsdeal,price, orbargainaround a faery without raising red flags. Or without provoking an instinctive curiosity. “What kind of a deal?”

I rose, pulling her up with me. “We put this on hold for now,” I said. “Until you decide what you want to do. I don’t like it, but I have been known to have patience if pressed hard enough.” She blinked, gazing at me with those solemn gold eyes, and I stifled the urge to kiss her again. “Nyx, if you’re not comfortable with me, or any of this, then I’ll wait. Robin Goodfellow isn’t a complete barbarian all the time. I want you to decide that it’s worth it, after all.”

“I want to trust you, Puck,” Nyx said quietly. “But everything is so uncertain. I’m not sure if I can trust myself, much less anyone else. Maybe when this is over, when Keirran and the Forgotten are safe, when we finally kill that monster, maybe then we can travel the Nevernever and see all the things you talked about.” She paused, and then a small smile spread across her face. Looping her arms around my neck, she gave me that intense, appraising look that made my stomach squirm. “So, I guess you have a deal, Robin Goodfellow. Maybe I won’t end up killing you after all.”

“That is the plan,” I said, sliding my arms around her waist. “Not getting killed by beautiful assassins is something I aspire to every day. Right after not getting eaten by a dragon and not letting Titania turn me into a rosebush.”

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