Page 66 of The Magic of Provence

‘So will you,’ she said. ‘It will be easier for you.’

‘Why?’ Did she have no idea, Christophe wondered, how impossible it was for him?

‘Because you’re… kind and clever and…’ Colour was flooding Fi’s cheeks and she dipped her head to avoid his gaze. ‘…and… beautiful,’ she added in a whisper.

Oh… There was a pain in his chest that was right where his heart was. Christophe put a single finger under Fi’s chin and gently lifted it.

‘And you think you’renot?’ he asked, making it very clear in his tone how wrong she was.

Time stopped. The way it had in that moment before he’d kissed her the first time. It could happen again, Christophe realised. Fiona was thinking about it too, he was sure of that, and if she came to him it might mean she trusted him enough for the fear to be overcome.

But time hadn’t stopped, of course. And the chiming sound that unexpectedly filled the space between them totally shattered the moment.

‘That’s the alarm on my phone,’ he said. ‘It’s time to feed Bouton again.’

* * *

Fi learned how to mix the milk replacement formula.

She held the bottle and fed Bouton while Christophe held the foal upright but she was doing everything with less than half her mind on it.

She was thinking about what Christophe had said, and it was another spiral of emotion that was pulling her every which way like everything else that had happened today.

He thought that she was beautiful? His words had been a physical caress that she’d felt skimming her skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

But he also thought that she would find someone else who would be that person for her? The one she would want to be with more than any other person on earth? At least she’d managed to hide her feelings as well as she’d hoped to. Christophe had no idea thathewas that person. That finding someone else remotely like him would be, quite simply, impossible.

By the time they’d finished getting the small amount of milk into Bouton, Fi was so exhausted that, when she curled up on her end of the couch, she drifted into sleep almost instantly. It felt like only seconds when she heard the chimes of Christophe’s alarm again. He looked as half asleep as she felt, but they went through the motions of making the formula, feeding the baby foal and then cleaning up again and again that night.

Laura arrived early the next morning, with croissants and pains au chocolat, still warm from the boulangerie in Vence. She had hot, strong coffee in paper cups as well.

‘You are an angel,’ Fi told her.

Christophe nodded his agreement, his mouth too full to say anything. There were tiny flakes of croissant around his lips. His hair was rumpled and there was even a stalk of straw caught in it. His jaw was shadowed with stubble and his clothes were covered in stains that were a record of the traumatic hours yesterday. He looked as if he’d been living on the streets for weeks but, to Fi, he’d never looked this beautiful.

She probably looked just as bad but Christophe was looking back at her and, if she let herself, she could believe that he was thinking exactly the same about her. She wasn’t going to let herself believe that. She couldn’t afford to, not when she was this tired and could make a mistake and reveal too much. Better to focus on what was around her and real. Like the tote bag Laura had brought with her along with breakfast.

‘Did you bring some of Lili’s nappies?’

‘Yes,’ Laura said. ‘And I wondered if you might want to make a coat for Bouton, to help keep her warm. There’s an old jumper in there.’ She grinned. ‘The one I used to hide my pregnancy when I came here for Ellie’s wedding.’

Fi lifted out the oversized soft, black woollen jumper. ‘This will be perfect,’ she said. ‘I can cut it to fit. The sleeves can cover her front legs and I can make some more for the back legs. Are you sure you don’t mind if I chop it up?’

‘I haven’t worn it since I was pregnant,’ Laura said. ‘And I have nothing to hide now.’ She gave Bouton another gentle stroke, hugged Fi and smiled at Christophe. ‘I’ll be back later,’ she said. ‘I’m going to take Mam to collect Dad and then take them both to the airport. Ellie will be over soon to help you today. She said Julien thinks Christophe might need to go to work for a while.’

Christophe was nodding again, this time not nearly as enthusiastically. ‘I’ll help with the next feed,’ he said, ‘but I do need to do a surgery today. I have to collect Heidi from Didier’s house and…’ He made a face. ‘I really need a shower and some clean clothes.’

His gaze shifted to Fi. ‘I’ll bring some more clothes tonight. And my toothbrush. We can try leaving it longer between feeds soon but it’s still going to be a long night.’

21

Bouton’s legs might have been a bit wobbly but she managed to stand by herself for the first time to drink a bottle of milk in the early hours of the following morning.

This was a real milestone because it meant that soon it would be possible for just one person to do the feeding and they could take turns and get some real sleep instead of the fitful dozing for what felt like only minutes at a time.

Being this tired was kind of like being rather drunk.

‘That was nearly two hundred mils,’ Fi said, as she rinsed out the bottle. ‘Does that mean we can increase the time between the feeds to two hours?’

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