Page 11 of Chasing Me

We lay in the darkness while I stroked her hair and swore not to fuck this up.

If I’d only listened to my own advice.

Chapter Five

QUINN

I MADE MY WAY INTO THErec room at the New Beginnings Clinic, trying to hurry my steps.My father hated lateness, but I’d stopped by Joe’s Coffee house first to see James before we parted for the night.Ever since our ice skating rink date, we’d only been able to grab a few quick meals together.Our shifts completely contradicted, which sucked, but we needed the extra money.

I pushed open the door.Dad was speaking, so I snuck to the back row and eased myself into the metal folding chair.The room was structured for AA meetings, Al-Anon, and various workshops offered to help recovering alcoholics.A card table was set up with coffee and donuts.The walls held a few encouraging posters, but that was it.

I rubbed my hands, trying to get warm from the chill, and concentrated on my dad’s speech.

“We never got promised fair or easy,” he said, looking out into the crowd and meeting everyone’s gazes.“We got promised a chance.What we do with it on a moment-to-moment basis is the only thing that matters.We’re not gonna be perfect, or get to that holy place we all dream of where suddenly we never want a drink or a hit.The earlier you accept that fact, the easier it’ll be.We take it craving by craving, and just like grief and rage and pain, it’s always there, ready to come out of the closet.That’s why we try to structure our lives so we can take it.A good friend.A family member.Hell, a good night’s sleep, or a laugh, or anything that we can cling to that’s good and right and makes us happy.”

I blinked, remembering Mom and the crippling pain her memory still gave me.Sometimes, I’d wake in the middle of the night, catching her scent, and sob into my pillow when I realized she was really gone.I knew Dad missed her every day, but those years he chose the bottle almost killed me.Like him, though, I got a chance at having a real father in my life when he wanted to get clean, and I was grateful.He was also a gifted speaker.I watched as the crowd of mostly men nodded and murmured things under their breath, faces unshaven, fingers gripped around Styrofoam cups, eyes filled with their own memories and demons.Pride shot through me as Dad finished his speech, and everyone clapped.He caught my smile and winked at me, taking a seat in the front row while the director made a few short announcements.

My phone burst out with the sounds of Jimmy Buffet, and I quickly silenced it.Yep, that was my special ringtone for Cassie and Mac.I scooped it up and checked the group iMessage.Mac.Dammit, I’d thought things were great with her and Austin.Cassie and Ty had already broken up due to his job and constant disappearances, and it had taken a while for Cassie to be okay again.

I broke up with Austin.Remember that article I told you about?The one that said he wanted out of the relationship?

I remembered Mac told me about that strange article claiming Austin wanted to break up with Mac.The paparazzi sucked and lied on a regular basis.I typed out,Yeah, but it’s just the usual tabloid fodder.

Cassie quickly agreed.

But it wasn’t.Austin actually said that stuff.He wants more, and I can’t give it to him.I…I saw him with another girl.

Fury shot through me.How dare he screw with my friend.I texted fast.ASSHOLE!

Jerk!Cassie threw in.I imagined Mac smiling at our combined rage.He wants to be free…so I’m going to give it to him.

I wondered what was really going on.I hated for Mac to also lose the man she loved without a fight.I typed out,Think about it first.

But the text quickly popped up on my screen.It’s already done.

In usual Mac style, she’d made her decision and was staying strong.My heart broke for another friend who’d lost the man she loved.I’d see her and Cassie soon in Key West for Spring Break again, when we all planned to meet up, but would I be the only one left in a relationship?

In that moment, I wondered if James and I were as strong as I thought.Sure, we loved each other, but I was still getting that weird feeling he was trying to distance himself from me.The last time we had sex, he seemed to hold back again, and it was really starting to bother me.The first few months we were together, our physical connection lent an almost carnal, violent twinge I adored.It stripped me bare and refused to let me hide.But once again, he acted like I was a fragile piece of crystal that would shatter if he got out of control.

Ugh.How was I supposed to have that kind of talk?I pictured it.Umm, babe, the sex is great and so are the orgasms, but can you bruise and bite me a bit more to make sure I know you really want me?

Only you, Quinn.Can’t you ever be happy the way things are?

“Shut up.I’m so over you.”

“I’m sorry, I thought we just met.You’re over me already?”

I squeaked in distress, and jumped from my seat.Damn, I did it again.My cheeks turned hot as I stared at the man before me, flanked by my dad.He was smiling, and cute in that friendly sort of way that put you at ease right away.Ginger type hair and brown eyes that sparkled, he was nicely built and a few inches taller than my five-eight frame.

“Sorry,” I said.“I was kinda talking to my phone.Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, sweetheart.”He gave me a quick hug.“This is Brian Cardone.I wanted to introduce you both since he’ll be working at the clinic.He’s the new Assistant Director.Brian, this is my daughter, Quinn.”

Brian shook my hand in a firm, warm grip.“Nice to meet you.I hear you’re looked upon quite highly here.”

I smiled back.“Probably ’cause my father is a bit of a superstar.”

Dad shook his head.“Not true.Quinn works harder than most, and when she graduates this Spring, we’re hoping she’ll be able to get a full-time position.”

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